Every time I go to my best friend's house, I daydream about having sex with her step dad, and I'm afraid they all know and I just can't take it and I'm ashamed and weirded out by my own thoughts, so I avoid him like the plague, and he'll be like Hey how are you? (like a nice normal person) And I'll laugh awkwardly and look down, walking away without answering or he'll say See you later and I'll be like WHAT oh WHAT yeah..bye, or god it's just so embarrassing. I'm so wound up. This time I went over there, I had to pee sooo bad but I would have to walk past him to get to the bathroom so I waited like an hour and a half until he went upstairs. It's fucking ridiculous I'm an idiot.
I guess I just need to ..not hang out at her house. I'm just so embarrassed.
Um well
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SubstancelessBlue
- Posts: 22
- Joined: February 15th, 2013, 11:44 am
Um well
"I know the bottom, she says. I know it with my great tap root: It is what you fear.
I do not fear it: I have been there."
-Elm, Sylvia Plath
I do not fear it: I have been there."
-Elm, Sylvia Plath
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Cheldoll
- Posts: 263
- Joined: September 12th, 2011, 2:29 pm
- Issues: Depression, anxiety, anorexia, sexually abused
- preferred pronoun: She
- Location: Portland, Oregon
- Contact:
Re: Um well
I doubt they all know what you're thinking, and they probably just think you're shy or something! I'm bad at talking to my friends' parents for absolutely no reason. I bet lots of people are, too. I don't think you should be embarrassed or be so hard on yourself. 
xoxo,
Chel
" Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do,
care about many of the things you care about, although most people don't care about them.
You are not alone. " — Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
Chel
" Many people need desperately to receive this message: I feel and think much as you do,
care about many of the things you care about, although most people don't care about them.
You are not alone. " — Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
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SubstancelessBlue
- Posts: 22
- Joined: February 15th, 2013, 11:44 am
Re: Um well
I hope so.. thank you
"I know the bottom, she says. I know it with my great tap root: It is what you fear.
I do not fear it: I have been there."
-Elm, Sylvia Plath
I do not fear it: I have been there."
-Elm, Sylvia Plath
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Paul Gilmartin
- Posts: 363
- Joined: March 22nd, 2011, 9:54 pm
- Gender: male
- Issues: Depression, Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, Incest Survivor
- preferred pronoun: He
- Location: Los Angeles
- Contact:
Re: Um well
SubstancelessBlue,
I agree with Cheldoll. We ALL think about stuff like that. I think about that stuff every day. When I'm out in public I daydream about people all the time and I used to judge myself for it. Once I started accepting that part of myself, I can thank my brain for sharing it's images and try to focus on something else, or if I'm really unable to think of anything else, or don't want to, I will let it play out in my head. But we have no control over what stimulates us. That comes from the Universe. So if you want anyone to feel embarrassed tell the Universe it should be embarrassed.
BTW my brain sometimes isn't even satisfied with thinking about sex with a person, it goes to picturing them going to the bathroom and all that is involved there. What they look like at their worst, their most embarrassing, their least attractive. You name it.
I try to remember, our species has survived BECAUSE of our preoccupation with sex. The gene pool that wandered around with no drive or imagination died off a long time ago. The genes that are constantly fantasizing/imagining reproduce, build, conquer, expand and all the other stuff we have today.
Paul
I agree with Cheldoll. We ALL think about stuff like that. I think about that stuff every day. When I'm out in public I daydream about people all the time and I used to judge myself for it. Once I started accepting that part of myself, I can thank my brain for sharing it's images and try to focus on something else, or if I'm really unable to think of anything else, or don't want to, I will let it play out in my head. But we have no control over what stimulates us. That comes from the Universe. So if you want anyone to feel embarrassed tell the Universe it should be embarrassed.
BTW my brain sometimes isn't even satisfied with thinking about sex with a person, it goes to picturing them going to the bathroom and all that is involved there. What they look like at their worst, their most embarrassing, their least attractive. You name it.
I try to remember, our species has survived BECAUSE of our preoccupation with sex. The gene pool that wandered around with no drive or imagination died off a long time ago. The genes that are constantly fantasizing/imagining reproduce, build, conquer, expand and all the other stuff we have today.
Paul
http://mentalpod.comNothing degrades the quality of my life like obsessing about the quality of my life.