I have a relationship with this guy. I guess you could call it friends with benefits. We first met a year ago, fooled around some. But he stopped contacting so I thought things were over. That's when I met my ex. About 2 weeks after we met this other guy texted me out of the blue. We exchanged pleasantries and once again didn't talk for about 2 months. Then he texted me again and wanted to hook up. I told him no, that I had a boyfriend. He kept trying to convince me to have sex with him but I said no. A few months later, my ex and I were having problems. I felt alone and sought out this other guy. He was apprehensive at first but soon gave in.
I broke up with my ex 2 months ago. I started conversing again with this guy. I wanted to hook up again, but he told me he wasn't sure. He said that he was sad about me breaking it off with him that first time, that he really liked me. Also, we had this discussion about wanting kids. He wants to and I don't. He told me that hooking up with me was more enjoyable when there was the possibility for a future. But with some coaxing we put that discussion behind us and hooked up again. This has happened twice in the last 2 months.
The thing is, I like him but I don't know if he likes me. I don't hear from him for weeks but when we do get together he's so affectionate, like he really missed me. There have been times where I text him but he doesn't text back for several days. My rational side tells me to just break it off with him once and for all. With my depression I can hardly focus on myself let alone someone else. But of course my body betrays me every time I hear from him.
I don't know how to broach the subject with him. I'm too embarrassed to discuss my feelings, but I feel as if he has this control over me. I keep checking my phone for messages and when nothing is there my heart sinks. He once said I could depend on him, that he cares.
I'm starting to believe he doesn't. I have so little experience with guys. Please help
