Episode 111: Karen Kilgariff Live in Portland

[Cheldoll]

I was there for the live show, so I've actually heard this once but it was still great to listen to again. It went really well and even the sound quality is great.

One thing I wanted to share was how I felt when Paul skipped over me and my raised hand when he was going through the crowd asking for fears. Three times, actually. I had mixed feelings, because he also kinda gave me a shout-out and saw me even when I was towards the back of the audience... so I felt both seen/appreciated and ignored, which was really weird. I refused my boyfriend's urging me to share a love and left immediately after the show was over out of bitterness but felt bad for not supporting Paul, especially when my friend from the forum Brian went to the Walking The Room podcast without me to see Paul and Greg. But enough about me.

My favorite guests on the podcast have always been comics, and Karen was a perfect example. I can't help but feel like she was reluctant to share things that weren't amusing to the audience because she was literally on stage. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, though, because I think it made the show more accessable for people there who weren't regular fans of the podcast (like my boyfriend who came with me -- he really loved this episode). The part that touched me the most was when she talked about her mom/grandmother's and Alzheimer's disease. After that she started talking about the good stuff: less funny stories and more what she's felt and her journey to recovery and self-acceptance.

It was super sad Karen didn't have her guitar at the time, but I saw her later at Drennon Davis's show and she sang a few songs -- she has the prettiest voice! I love her.

[ether667]

Cheldoll - The same thing happens to me at times when I perceive that I'm being under appreciated, though it's good that you know Paul gave you a shout out. This episode I found quite awesome, the only thing to make it better is if I could have attended as well. Unfortunately I'm broke at the moment and on the East Coast... lol

Karen Kilgariff's stories paint a picture similar to a few girls I've been acquainted with in recent years in terms of personality traits and coping mechanisms. I tend to relate to the guests that way because it gives me a better perspective on my own life. As a musician I would have loved to hear her perform on the show too!

[fifthsonata]

Maybe he didn't do it because you were already part of the listener meet-up?

Or maybe Paul just secretly has a vendetta against you and he's at your window right now, armed with Paxil, sweatpants, and he's going to spoon you to death while you both stare at the ceiling pondering the meaning of life.


I did enjoy the show, though, and was definitely jealous of you guys having a group session. Us small-town folk miss out on all the fun

[Herself]

Great, now I can't stop picturing Paul Gilmartin sneaking thru someone's window and rocking them to sleep with lilted dick jokes...

[marathonbar]

Cheldoll, if it makes you feel any better, when Paul gave you the shoutout, (twice, actually-- in the intro and during the show), I thought, "Hey! She's on the forums!" I felt like you were famous. I was also super envious that you got to be there and I couldn't help feeling like, "What's wrong with us on the East Coast? Are we not cool enough?" Just more of the crazy stuff that our minds try to tell us.

[marathonbar]

Okay, I just finished listening to the whole podcast and I have to say... I LOVED it! I was very nervous when Paul said he was going to do a live show. I couldn't imagine how that would work, but it was wonderful. I feel like Paul's sense of humor came out a lot more in this episode (I'm still laughing at the "I'll have to stop blowing your dad," comment). I also felt like I could feel the energy in the audience. I hope there are more live shows in the future.

[RichardsCopyCat]

Something about this episode made me want to sign up and join the forum. I've been listening for a a few months, and I was so thrilled to hear that the live show was happening. I was also nervous, but clearly there was no good reason to be. Great job, Paul and Karen! Something about knowing that you were in front of a crowd of people and about hearing the crowd's response (or silence) was extremely uplifting. I hope there are more live shows to come, and would love to attend one.

[Cheldoll]

YAY, welcome to the forum! It makes me happy when people join, even if they don't post much.

It might be worth mentioning that I was bleeding out of my vagina that week and thus everything was more dramatic than it actually was. [/TMI]
Everyone should be able to get a hug from Paul -- he will let you hold on forever and he doesn't smell bad.

[Fargin]

t's pretty cool that you're able to express the feeling of being ignored. Me, I'd take those feelings with me to the grave, because I'd convince myself that by telling someone that they hurt my feelings would completely devastate them.

[Cheldoll]

I totally get what you mean, Fargin. What usually has me keep those feelings inside though is the implicit idea that I am worthy of any attention at all -- something that, while it's something I truly desire, I deeply feel is not true. That's probably where the guilt/shame comes in. Like, "who do you think you are? You don't deserve the shit you already have, much less anything more."

I know Paul really cares about me. I mean, hell, he cares about all his listeners. But I got special attention and hugs that weekend and instead of basking in it I craved more. That's nobody's fault but my own. In fact, I'm sure there's no way I would've been satiated since that need to feel worthy of love is so strong it borders desperation. Not sure if any of this even makes sense -- it's been a long day