Hope this even makes sense

[PenelopeBrooks]

I am a 34 yo bisexual female. I've been listening to the podcast for a while now and have found it both fascinating and helpful. I have a really long complicated story (as we all do, I know) but I will try to sum it up as best I can. I was sexually abused by my father from the time I was a toddler until I was 14 and he was no longer in my life. I was also given to a group of men by my father when I was 6 to be used in ritualistic abuse. That was sexual, physical, and psychological. As a teenager and adult I've been very promiscuous and made some terrible decisions. I got involved with an abusive boyfriend/pimp in my late twenties and worked as an escort for around a year. Now I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and live like a "normal" woman my age. I have trouble with depression, anxiety, PTSD and maintaining healthy relationships. I know I'm good on the inside but I want to be living in a way that reflects that.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello "PenelopeBrooks", welcome to our little forum.

I read your post, and I honor your pain - you did not do anything to deserve this pain and suffering. I am inadequate to offer help personally, but I pasted the forum "copypasta" on sexual/physical abuse and getting mental health help.

Please take care, and feel free to honor us with your written contributions to the forums - look around and enjoy!

All the best, cheers to you!

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Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network - RAINN.org

Abusive Relationships thread on this board - a description of a violent relationship and some solutions/resources

Emergency Resources for Abused Women - newhouseshelter.org

From helpguide.org - curated advice for battered women

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United States website to find sliding scale "low/no" cost mental health services. Also information on medication assistance: NeedyMeds - Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics U.S. Database

Discussion of low and no cost therapy resources, even in usually under-served areas: Maria Bamford podcast, Episode 95, Jan 04 2013 at minute 6:00.

If you think you might need this resource, then you definitely need this resource - please check out the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network - RAINN at RAINN.org

Google searches for low and no cost therapy resources, even in usually under-served areas: your town or county + one of these terms:

• low cost counselling service
• sliding scale counselling service
• CMHC
• community mental health
• community service board office

From this MentalPod board - some places to get help for people with limited resources:

• Help for little or no money
• Best Insurance Companies/Types for Mental Health Care
• Links for More Mental Health Info/Suicide Hotlines

Here is a post and thread on Reddit about getting medication at low or no cost: Community Assistance Program, accepted at Target pharmacy and many other pharmacies

[oak]

I send hugs Pen. You are not alone.

My sponsor (second in wise-ness only to my mother) used to say: "Normal" is a setting on a washing machine.

In other words, who wants to be the super-boring-ness that is "normal"?

You be you, Pen. There is only one of you, and this world needs you.

I am glad you made it through all the hurt.

Great as Gatsby is, F. Scott Fitzgerald was wrong about no second acts; you are just starting yours.

Hang in there.

[PenelopeBrooks]

Thank you for your kind words and for the resources. I am praying and hoping for second chances that I know I don't deserve.

[weary]

I know I'm good on the inside but I want to be living in a way that reflects that.

Posting on here and seeking help and supportive people everywhere you are doing so is certainly reflecting that.
Your honesty and vulnerability about the trauma you have suffered is admirable. Welcome, and I wish you great success in your journey.