Genuine fears

[ThaneRising]

Though it's not a big list, it actually took me some time to come up with a list of things I can honestly say I fear. For most things, I just feel anger towards (which I'm sure some people would like to say is just another form of fear), but the things listed here are things I am genuinely afraid of. And I will most likely talk more in-depth with them in the near future.

I’m afraid that what I think is my strong suit in fact isn’t my strong suit.

I’m afraid of doing tasks or making actions that have no guarantee for good results.

I’m afraid of wasting my time on something I thought would turn out great but doesn’t.

I’m afraid of having to start over.

I’m afraid that I’ll never meet anyone who cares about me as much as I care about them.

I’m afraid of being a virgin forever.

I’m afraid that if I ever do meet someone who wants to have sex with me, I will be unable to sexually satisfy them.

I am afraid of losing my virginity to someone who doesn’t care about it as much as I do. I can’t deal with another situation in which I care tons more about something than the other person involved.

I’m afraid that no one will ever want to have a child with me.

I’m afraid of bringing a child into a world that will be as cruel to him/her as it was to me.

I’m afraid of having a child that will grow up into a person I despise.

I’m afraid that the people I still think about have totally forgotten me.

I’m afraid that I’ll find out that I didn’t have any impact on anything or anyone in this world, and my life and death will be inconsequential.

[ThaneRising]

Thought up some more:

I’m afraid of being accused of stealing somebody else’s work, and I’m afraid of accidentally copying off of someone.

I’m afraid that there isn’t anyone else out there that holds the same value towards sex as I do, and I’m afraid that no one will respect my views towards sex.

I’m afraid that I’ve let too much of my creativity die without it being put to use, and I'm afraid that whatever creativity I can still generate on my own will also die and not be put to good use.

I’m afraid that my episodes of despising women will turn into a permanent state of mind for me.

I’m afraid that if I don’t think of myself as someone special who will change the world and influence everyone in it, I will learn that I am an insignificant person that has no power or potential to do anything of value.

I’m afraid of learning about the poisons and unnatural substances that are in the food I eat.

I’m afraid of being in debt.

I’m afraid of becoming addicted to something.

[oak]

Thanks for sharing, Thane. I am glad you are using your voice.

[ThaneRising]

Thanks oak. It feels much better to be able to get things off my chest. The sexuality stuff has really been weighing down on me for years, but as of lately, I've been more and more able to disclose those feelings with people. I've slowly opened up to a couple of friends about it, and they react with support (at least at face value).

Thanks for being someone who listens as well.

[eshkol]

I can’t deal with another situation in which I care tons more about something than the other person involved.

I totally get that, ThaneRising.

Thank you for sharing your fears.

e.

[ThaneRising]

eshkol-

It's such a shitty feeling. I have a number of stories to share that all contain that theme (and just about all of them deal with women). I think I might start doing a non-scheduled series of posts entitled "Thane's Thoughts and Feelings Towards Women." And of course, with all of those experiences branded into my head, it makes me not want to make any kind of moves that could lead to another one of those endings. So yeah, that fear is probably the biggest of them all.

[eshkol]

Thane,

do that series! Getting that off your chest could help you get past the fear.
And I'll be glad to read it, because I'll clearly identify.

e.