Alone and needing one

[mooseman]

Just want to feel human warmth and compassion. Want to wrap my arms around someone and hang on til it's weird. I want them to say they give a damn. It's been so damn long since that's happened and even longer since it felt like it meant anything.

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, mooseman. During college and after college, up till (and a few years past) my breakdown at age 25, I desperately wanted _someone_.

Just want to feel human warmth and compassion. Want to wrap my arms around someone and hang on til it's weird. I want them to say they give a damn.

The cruel truth is that the internal battle must be won before that warm connection can materialize. I had to de-fang and tame my ego, and it felt like walking around the desert noonday sun after having all my skin torn from my body - everything hurt and I was too vulnerable.

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle helped.

Radical acceptance helped: Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: The New Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; Steven C. Hayes

I am incompetent to offer advice because I am so flawed and I still have episodes of strangeness and isolation, even though I have more warm human intimacy and connection now (at age 42) than I ever thought possible when I was young.

You are the expert on your own experience, and I would never try to bully you with advice from my autobiography because I am so limited in my abilities.

I read your post, and I honor your pain and suffering. You don't deserve to feel this. It will get better.

Take care, all the best, good luck.

[serenity88]

Mooseman, try to be loving to yourself. Maybe you could find something that gives you even a tiny bit of comfort.

Sounds silly, but I make myself tea. I wrap my hands around the warm mug and take in the sweet aroma. I cozy up in a blanket. Sometimes I watch a sad movie so I don't feel as alone in my misery. Sometimes I go to this quaint little cafe that feels safe for me. There are people around and sometimes it helps me to feel a bit more connected even though I'm not actually sitting with anybody.

I have these phases of feeling very alone too. I try to remind myself that this way of feeling will end. There will be another opportunity to feel loved by someone. In the meantime, try to be gentle, compassionate and patient with yourself. You will be okay.

Take care,
serenity88

[Cinnamon]

Mooseman: no advice....just hugs. No words...just sending warmth.

You are here, you have connections, we care.