Dude, life shouldn't be this hard

[Chris]

I have pretty much spent my whole life trying to figure out why other people seem to be able to live a normal life, but I can't. They can get up for work, face their challenges, and seem to get along without too much trouble. I can't do that.

I have tried everything. I tried medications, therapy, booze, hard drugs, relationships, changing zip codes, and distractions of all kinds. You name it, I've tried it. My labels include Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which is being terrified all the time, but most of the time you can't figure out what it is that you're afraid of, and Dysthymia, which is a moderate to low level of depression that is constant. I have also had panic attacks, and probably inverted narcissistic personality disorder.

I'm actually better now and life is good. Eventually, I was able to get Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for my Depression, and that actually worked very well for me. Through this process, I realized that my depression was a way for me to cope with the anxiety. I can numb out in a depression and resign myself to the fact that my worst fears are going to come true and there's nothing I can do about it. The depression somehow sooths my anxiety. I guess it's because I don't have to be afraid that bad things will happen becasue when I'm depressed, I know they will.

The fact that the CBT helped my depression sounds great, but then I realized that my anxiety was getting out of control. The only thing that kept me from exploding was using drugs. Of course that got out of control too, so... life did not go well for a while...

At some point, I got into Narcotics Anonymous and started to get my life together. By doing that work, I have been able to stop feeling sorry for myself all the time, be grateful for even the littlest things, and learned that my thoughts don't really have to mean anything much at all. Now I realize that they seem to arise on their own, much like dreams do when I sleep. There is a book that I can recommend to anyone who has tried a lot of different things without much progress. "The Inside Out Revolution" by Michael Neill. It's a good book. Also, there is a CBT book called "Feeling Good," which is probably better than nothing if you can't get CBT with a therapist.

I hope that everyone that listens to this podcast can make as much progress as I have. Life really is pretty good.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Chris, welcome to our little forum!

This is great writing with a message of hope. Thanks for this contribution to the forum, hope to read more from you in the threads here.

All the best, cheers!

[oak]

Hey chris I am glad you are doing well. Stay the course. Keep it up.

[Chris]

Thanks guys. Great to be here.

[Fargin]

Hi Chris,

I'm right there with you. A year ago, I thought this is as good as it gets, but in the last year, after a really bad decade, I was finally ready to make a change. I wasn't even sure I was capable of it, but I'm actually doing it right now. Whenever Paul would end the podcast with "things can get better - there is hope" I wished it would apply to me and the last months, I've become a believer, both in possibilities and myself.

I had to get out of my head, to get out of head.

[Chris]

Thanks Fargin!