Believing

[hookinmyhead]

I'm so glad to hear an episode finally tackle this issue. I identified with Andrew so hard, despite being in a different life stage, and athletically inept. If anything should be evidence that ADHD is a real thing and that I have it, it should be all the little things I recognize in the stories of people who have it as well. Things that aren't part of the official diagnosis, traits I didn't even know were associated with the condition. It's like there's an unwritten addendum to the official list of questions they use to diagnose you, and every time I hear a new one of these unwritten questions, my answer is yes.

And yet! More than almost any other mental illness, even depression (which I'm also blessed with), ADHD is so often dismissed as a myth, an excuse, a Big Pharma conspiracy. Rationally I think it's probably both underdiagnosed and overdiagnosed. On one hand, lots of naturally energetic, creative, freespirited kids, who shouldn't need Ritalin or Adderall, are getting doped because their teachers can't handle classroom management. At the same time, there's another huge group — largely the daydreamy, inattentive types like me — who just get overlooked, and grow up feeling like failures.

The thing is, that feeling of failure is no abstraction. One of the many things I recognized in Andrew's story, was the constant self criticism. The critical voice in our heads that constantly berates us as lazy pieces of shit. I'm not saying that negative self talk is a unique trait of ADHDers, but it certainly seems to be a common one. And the cultural suspicion of ADHD's very legitimacy as a diagnosis, makes perfect fodder for this inner critic. So it doesn't just get to beat me up for my screw ups, but it can rip into me for hiding behind a bullshit excuse.

When I first read the list of ADHD symptoms, it was an intensely emotional, cathartic experience. It felt like redemption, a balm on years and years of accumulated shame and hurt. But I feel like the ADHD truthers have taken that comfort away from me. A huge part of my life has been defined by this painful struggle, that's widely viewed as a fraud, or at best, a joke, something trivial. Or put it this way. When I say I have depression, most people react with compassion. When I say I have ADHD, I find that people are much more apt to seem indifferent or annoyed.

Which makes it all the more satisfying when I do get to hear my struggle in someone else's story. So even though I'm grateful for every episode, I'll give a special thanks to Paul and Andrew for this episode. I'd really love to hear more guests talk about their struggles with this in the future.

[Adam]

I second all of that!

Being a lifelong ADDer, I immediately put a note in my phone to contact Andrew and thank him for speaking. Naturally, I still have not followed up.

I have never heard anyone dismiss this as a myth. I'm fortunate to have access to decent health care, and while I am still trying to find the perfect dosage of adderall, recognizing the state and the behaviors has been very empowering. Now to get all the other crap under control too...

[Odin]

"Being a lifelong ADDer, I immediately put a note in my phone to contact Andrew and thank him for speaking. Naturally, I still have not followed up."


Ha ha ha ha, amen, I feel your pain.

[Wren]

So my therapist asked last year if I had ever been diagnosed with ADD. I'm pretty sedentary so it seems silly to have the H in there. I told her I had taken some adderal once and never saw things cleared or did better in math in my life but that no, I had never been diagnosed. I've never been diagnosed with depression either though and most of my life I've wanted to die so...mostly I think it's a lack of going to the doctor.
Thing is though, when she described it to me the way she did it made total sense! And I have a good friend who had been diagnosed ADHD since he was a kid and he sees it in me. My husband however is part of the crew of the crew that doesn't believe in it. BigPharma and all that. And I get that. It's hard to say but it FEELS real to me. I can't finish a fucking book, I have trouble with conversations, and I'm even having trouble staying on track here. I want to believe! But when even your loved ones raise their eyebrows as soon as you mention it you learn to shut the fuck up. Don't talk about going on meds. Don't talk about getting help for something "fictional."
It's crazy making.