communication and assertiveness

[drzdude]

Hi I have a difficult time initiating new friendships and relationships. I guess I find it difficult to trust and have some anxiety around new people. I recently went on 2 night camping trip as friends with a lady I have known for a short while. I thought we had a great time together. Since we got back I asked her to meet again and she said she was sick. I then saw her as she passed by me with her car and I was in the street. She looked the other way. I feel confused and part of me wants to talk to her about this and the other part of me says there is no point. I think she is avoiding me but the funny thing is she told me she is always assertive and tells people what's going on. Avoidance isn't assertive. Confused and sad as I thought I found a new friend. I grew up in a very passive family. Please let me know of the healthy way to handle this. Thanks!

[Hail Ceasar]

If she claims to be an assertive person, then she should appreciate you taking a very direct approach and asking her if everything is ok between you two. Best of luck!

[drzdude]

Well I decided to call her today. She said she would never avoid me or do that and there was no reason to. She seemed sincere and i guess it was my mind jumping to the worst scenario. Part of me feels very insecure and unfortunately sometimes expects to be abandoned. Its sad and i know a misbelief but its difficult to think more optimistically about relationships/friendships.

[didbakenaked]

Ahhhhh, I've been in this kind of situation.. a lot. What I keep telling myself is that people are more interested in themselves (i.e. so I don't over think any time when I think they are avoiding me,) this is natural. Be happy when you do have an opportunity to spend time connecting with another person and hold low expectations for them in regards to contact/hanging out. I don't know how old you are. I'm 27 and it's pretty difficult to make friends as an adult because you have so much less free time. So, the lower the expectations I hold for new friends, the more open I am to meeting to new people. I'm glad you contacted your friend directly. Honesty is pretty much the best. How are things now?

[drzdude]

Hello didbakenaked. I am 30 years old. I am finding it more difficult to make friends and am meeting more and more mothers. I don't know how I feel about dating someone with kids. I do have higher expectations than I should and I try and expect things to go a certain way. Almost like my way of thinking i am contolung the situation. I think its better for me to let go of control and just go with the natural occurance of the situation or relationship. As for things with the person I originally wrote about I haven't seen her since our trip a couple weeks ago. Conflicting schedules I guess. I can be very accommodating to finding time to spend with friends if I choose to make them a priority but I don't think everyone is this way.