Not sure what to say

[Just Anne]

Hi:

I am always at a loss on what to write when introducing myself. I have long internal monologues that go silent when I am faced with a screen or paper. I was diagnosed with unipolar depression in my late 20s with traces of borderline. I hate the diagnoses of borderline mostly because of it's association with being a woman only diagnoses; however, it does explain most of my mood swings from very elated to crying in a cafe because my hotchocolate order was wrong.

My childhood was very dysfunctional to put it mildly, though I never experienced sexual abuse, my dad was physically abusive towards my sister and I. There was a lot of body policing when I hit puberty. I don't think he liked the thought of my turning into a woman. My father focused all his rage primarily at my sister, while I was the favourite. haha. Being the favourite came with its own pressures, I was never good enough and could never measure up to his standards. My mother finally separated from him in my early teens. At the time, I was very upset, but looking on it now, it was a good thing. I think the body policing, which made me ashamed of my own body, would have gotten worse as I got older.

My dad was/is a very manipulative person. Most of his abuse happened when my mom was not around, and he had away of separating us from each other. He was also a con artist or embezzler. this fact came out as I got older. he spent much of my teen years in and out of prison. He had actually spent time in prison when I was a child too. A fact that I did not know until my mom separated from him.

There is more to this story about my dad's continual lies and abuse, but this is an intro so I will be brief. So much for writers block. HA! There is one thing I learned as a teenager into adulthood, if you are related to a criminal it is assumed that you either complicit in their crimes, you will become a criminal yourself or there is someway you could have stopped them. If I could stop my dad from lying, I would.

that's all I have for now.

Just Anne.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Just Anne, welcome to our little forum. I read your post, and I honor your pain. You did not deserve such trauma.

There is one thing I learned as a teenager into adulthood, if you are related to a criminal it is assumed that you either complicit in their crimes, you will become a criminal yourself or there is someway you could have stopped them.

You deserve to be honored as an individual, not shamed by the actions of another. Please take care, all the best, we here are all cheering for you and for your greatest today and tomorrow!

[Cornflake Girl]

Thank you for sharing, Just Anne. Welcome