Female Sexual Dysfunction and Related Issues

[Cornflake Girl]

Hi. It's been awhile, friends. This is what's going on with me today:
There's nothing worse (I'm sure there is but you understand what I'm saying, right?) than waking up feeling inadequate. My long time boyfriend tried to start something with me this morning but I ended up in tears. I have been suffering from painful intercourse for 18 years. It started after having an IUD inserted, followed by a multitude of attempts to relieve the symptoms by way of diet, acupressure, acupuncture, counseling, surgery to remove adhesions, and finally a partial hysterectomy. It was a direct result of this pain (and addiction) that I developed a dependence of pain meds that started in '97, and ended with me finally getting sober a little over 2 years ago. My painful intercourse is not constant but it does happen 80 - 90 % of the time now (and is becoming more frequent) making me feel very reluctant to even want to be touched sensually. Add in the effects of medication, and I just feel worse. This contributes to a feeling of being less than a true woman and makes me feel more depressed, angry, sad, and hopeless on top of having bipolar and generalized anxiety disorder. I feel so extremely sad right now, so misunderstood. My partner tries to be supportive but I still feel tremendously guilty, ashamed, and saddened that I cannot please him sexually. Sure, I can give him head and get him off, but I am so over giving, giving, giving without finding my own sexual release. I should also add that I can achieve multiple orgasms with masturbation, particularly with vibrators.
I don't know if the issues are physical, emotional, caused by past trauma, a lack of praise and compliments, the troubles in my relationship, a combination, or something else. I have seen numerous doctors about this issue but have found very little relief and no definite cause or diagnosis. Please tell me that others have gone through or are going through this type of stuff and, for gods sake, help me.
CG

[manuel_moe_g]

Him giving you an orgasm using a vibrator on you is no less meaningful than penetrative sex. Please take care, all the best, strength to you to lift you above your suffering, you deserve no less.

[Cornflake Girl]

Thanks, Moe.

[moonlightwatie]

Sex is more than the type that makes babies.
Experiment and figure out what works.