Episode 189: Lance L

[gfyourself]

The pansexual Iraqi war veteran talks about his plans to come out to his homophobic family, growing up with a mother who picked terrible men, his deadbeat dad and meeting a half-brother & doing a joint road trip to confront the father that abandoned them both.

[gfyourself]

On the whole, this episode didn't speak to me.

There was one part that hit me though... where Paul started talking towards I think the end of the interview about how addressing the demons of your past only gets harder and harder as you go through life, so you may as well start as early as possible. That spoke to me. I just hit a milestone age and man it rings true. A lot of times I feel like fuck, its over, its too late, may as well play out the string as quietly as possible. If I only did something about it 10 years ago. Well, I could be saying the same thing 10 years from now! So it would be a good time to get started!

Paul had one good really good joke-aside in the cast - I wish I could remember what it was. A lot of his riffs lately have been hilarious.

Hey Paul, you've posted twice in almost three months here... how about some love for the forum!

[stormy]

Hi there,

This episode REALLY spoke to me. My life has also been shaped many times by the people that my parents brought into my life/home. Before my mother moved out my father brought his much younger girlfriend to their place while I was on a sleep away school trip, my mom told me about it. Once she moved out, my dad's 14 year younger girlfriend moved in and would in years down the line become his wife, he focused on trying to make a family with her more than being there for the only child he had (and still has, they divorced and had no children together). My mother had her boyfriend move into her new place, he molested me for a year. Her boyfriend after that became her husband (against my wishes) then I ended up having to call the cops on him, and sleep on her couch with my bat to ensure she would be OK that night. I told her I couldn't do this anymore, and although it has been hard have had to distance myself form both parents. It is rough, I really felt for Lance.

I am so afraid that if I do not beat what I am fighting through that I will end up being stuck. I'm right at the age where your brain is making some big final changes (mid-20s) and I REALLY wish I could be in a better place for it. I do not want to look back at this time wishing that I had tried a little harder to set myself up better down the line.

[manuel_moe_g]

I am so afraid that if I do not beat what I am fighting through that I will end up being stuck. [...] I do not want to look back at this time wishing that I had tried a little harder to set myself up better down the line.

This is awesome that you have raised your standards for how your life will be, and did so at such a young age. I am so happy for you. You rock! Cheers, stormy!

[anymomentinthewoods]

A lot of things in this episode clicked for me. I also had a childhood where what was being pushed and preached at church didn't match up with my home life and some of the things Lance experienced were a part of my dad's side of the family. I got hit fairly hard as a kid and if you ask my mother about it now, it never happened. I really felt for him there. And being anything but straight in the black community? I have been there, to the point where my sexuality is now on a need to know basis to escape that hurt. I really felt for Lance and I hope he has some peace now in his life.

Stormy, I'm with you. I'm in my mid-20s and am struggling but want to be in a better mindset as I get older. You aren't alone and it's good that you recognized that now. You can do it!

[TinaMarie1234]

While I don't have anything similar to Lances's issues, I thought that Lance's episode was quite interesting. There have been very few podcasts with people of color. Add in his sexual orientation, history of abuse and his mom and dad's negligence of his needs.....yeah, it was interesting to hear.

I do applaud those of you who are younger and taking charge of their life and mental well being - it has taken me several years to take action on my husband's alcoholism and it's impact on our family...hell, I am still just preparing to take action. Please don't wait to do yourself justice. Those around you who really care for you will support you if you can communicate the importance of this to them.

Good luck on your journeys.

[gfyourself]

I just wanted to point out that even though I said in my post that this episode didn't speak to me, its usually true that even if its not a good one for me, it is for others. This one appears to be no exception.

[stormy]

Thank you for the kind words, I hope everyone can keep up their work as well.

[CharlotteC]

I stayed up way too late to hear the whole interview, and I wish it were longer. Really fascinating story, and Lance was so personable and in such an interesting place (and changing fast). I am a little sad/surprised that he hasn't had any intimate romantic relationships, because he shared his feelings so bravely and with such candor. He seems like an easy person to get close to. His feelings for his new found brother were pretty wonderful to hear.

Oh, and that whole mushrooms-by-the-lake story killed me -- so profound and heavy, with the sobbing breakdowns and the weirdness of "Jolene" -- and then to find out there were people ALL AROUND them the whole time? I hate to say it was funny but...holy shit it was funny!

Deep respect to Lance. He sounds so bright and warm and loving. He deserves joy.

[mochalata]

Lance, I adore your personality on the podcast! I am a former member of the US Army and I believe you take it a lot more seriously than I did and I thank you for that because I should have taken it more seriously.

I do wish you had not described growing up without a Father as part of the Black experience. Some Black people do experience this and so do some people of other races including whites, yellows and browns. Personally, I was raised by my Father. My mother, because of mental illness, was not able to participate in my upbringing. I come from a whole extended family full of people who were raised either completely or jointly by their Fathers. Most of my friends were raised in two parent homes with their Fathers. I also have friends who were not raised with their Fathers. All my nephews and nieces have been raised by their Mothers and Fathers. I assure you that I am very Black. I just don't like seeing irresponsible Fathers labeled as a part of the Black experience. There are people of all races with irresponsible parents. I'm so sorry for what you went through. I love you, one human being to another and I wish you joy and peace in the future. Get therapy so these negative experiences do not co-opt your future. I bet in your early 20's as an adult you feel like you've been here forever, but you haven't, you've been here on the planet for like a second. Do not let the unfairness of the people who were supposed to be responsible for you steal any more of your time. Get some therapy and work it out. I feel I should add a disclaimer that I am intoxicated as I write this (just to be fair).