A letter to my past and future self

[iknewiwascrazy]

A Letter to Myself
1985
Dear Joy,
Today you are eighteen, old enough to have a general sense of what your strengths and weaknesses are and young enough to be hopeful and excited about your future. You feel a sense of relief, like now you are free from the hardships you struggled with in your childhood. I guess I will start there because I don’t want you to carry this with you anymore.

You are not a lazy, stupid, failure. You have learning disabilities. I’m sorry that for you it wasn’t discovered until just recently. I know it really hurt when teachers and mom and dad would blame you for not trying hard enough. I am sad that you spent your academic years in shame and fear that your friends would find out how stupid you were. I know that it has shaped your self image in ways that only you understand the ramifications of. It will still be hard for a long time, but it will serve you well in the future. My message for you today is, there are different kinds of “smart”. You always knew you were street smart, but it turns out your academically smart too. You just haven’t found the way that your brain processes academic learning yet. You will. Oh, and the comments on report cards about daydreaming to much in class, and not focusing…..your still a dreamer and I am so glad. Your daydreams are the connection to your soul and where all the strong, beautiful parts are.

I want to share with you a few things to keep in your heart as you begin your adulthood. It is going to get hard, the kind of hard that makes you question whether you want to live. You are going to experience loss and pain that some people will never have to bare in their lifetime and others not until a very old age. Sounds scary, hopeless and horrific. You probably are questioning my intention, so here is what I need, beg of you to take with you. I’m here now, you made it. There is NOTHING that will actually kill you, you heart will break in a million pieces but you are stronger than you know. Your strength is your tears, your cries, your doubts, your anger, your desperate surrender. It is all the steps backwards and the small steps forward. It is that desperate voice that refuses to let the pain win. I wish I knew that when I was fighting for each breath, for any reason to walk the earth another day. Your brave, because you felt it, felt all of it and you didn’t give up. Place that in between the shitty repetitive negative thoughts that tell you that you can’t do it, that it is too hard, that it is just unbearable that things will never get better.

2015
Whenever the conversational topic of what would you tell your future/or past self came up I couldn’t get past the thought that it would be pointless to share any wisdom because I’m not the kind of girl who listens to advice, I’m the kind that has to figure it out for myself. But today I am forty seven, old enough to know I don’t know anything and young enough to carry the life lessons learned with me moving ahead. It’s not wisdom or meaningful advice I have to offer to my past and future. It is much deeper, I offer the gift of hope, compassion, validation, and love.I don’t know what the future will bring, but take with you your resilience, your humor, and always your dreams.

Love,
Imperfect Me.

[manuel_moe_g]

This is awesome, you speak to yourself with the self-love and respect that you deserve. Way to go!

[NeedAmor]

thanks you for sharing it