Sad...as usual

[skylark]

I'm sad and lost. The few things that seem to give me joy are fleeting and "bad for me."
The days, months and years keep moving forward- but I am not. I am not happy when I wake up. Sleep is it's own struggle, as I have strange dreams that are sometimes very frightening.
I'm scared.

My grandmother, who passed away a few years ago, was schizophrenic. I am so scared that will happen to me and that, I think, is one of the worst hells imaginable.

I constantly think about the past and get lost in my own mind. I feel no one understands me- I don't think anyone really understands anyone, and that makes me feel even more alone bc I know it's true.

I want to feel free, but I don't.

Some days and in some moments I feel good..great even..but they don't last.

There are so many things I want to do, but I have no idea how to do them.
One of the worst feelings is feeling like I want to do nothing. That's sort of how I feel now.

I have a lot of trauma that haunts me. I don't feel validated by anyone..i wonder if I'm insane, if I should feel upset about all of the things that upset me.

I feel very alone. I'm scared of my feelings, bc they haven't changed in a very long time.

If I look back at my writings, ravings, journal entries, etc. throughout my life (which I don't do much) they have an overwhelming consistent theme-
feeling alone, misunderstood, hurt, angry and like I don't belong.

That's it for now.

[manuel_moe_g]

You are suffering, but you are not alone. We hear you and we validate you - you don't deserve this pain. Please take care.

[skylark]

Thank you

[NotMeNotYou]

I just want to express my sympathy, because I often feel that way myself. The details of my life are different, but I often feel sad, and scared I will never feel differently. I think everything I've ever tried to do in my life, and this sad existence is all it comes down to.

But I have coping mechanisms which don't the solve problems, but they help. I hope you also find healthy ways to cope.

[marc7222]

Hang in there and please stay strong
Hopefully you can join a support group in your area or talk therapy or group. I notice you lost a lot of videos here. Maybe a music or comedy group. Im sure your anxiety interfere with doi g these thing please hang in there.
I know of somone that decided to volunteer overseaa and that changed her life .

[rc409]

Have you thought about getting help for your sleep issues? I know the day is way, way tougher for me if I dont get at least 6hrs of decent sleep.

[lost]

Hi skylark,
how are you doing.
You arent alone we are here.
You said there was so many things you wanted to do, but didnt know how to do them.
What do you want to do if you dont mine telling us.
Sorry about my typing its 3 am cant sleep.