Am I depressed enough?

[RobotWithHumanHair]

Might be an odd question, I know.

But on a day like today when my depression is hanging over me like a cloud, I begin to wonder if I'm making it out to be more than it is - especially when I hear stories of people whose depression is so deep that they can't get out of bed for months. In my head, it almost makes me feel like my depression is...I don't know, less valid? I mean, I get up every day for work, go for a 4 mile run, trudge through the work day, then come home to my wife and kids and not long after, go to bed for the night. Rinse, repeat. But through it all, there's still the cloud - but because I can function pretty regularly otherwise, does it even count?

And it's not just on a day like today; I have lots of days like that where I begin to doubt the genuine intensity of it all. I know that I feel depressed, there's no doubt about that - but am I depressed enough?

[Applecider]

Yes, Yes, Yes. You are depressed enough!

I feel very much the same. Everything in my life seems together! great job, house, dog, cat, nice car, money saved.. but I am so damn miserable and lonely. I really hope my therapist understands that I'm not just a selfish person, I'm just not happy..

but yes.. you are depressed enough. Sending you hugs.. wish i could write more but dentist appointment calls.

[Murphy]

Robot, are you me? (Oh wait, I don't have a wife or kids, so probably not.) But I also feel like I'm not "depressed" enough, sometimes. I've nearly always gotten out of bed and gone to school/work, no matter how I was feeling. I remember at least one of my therapists remarking on it. I've never been suicidal. BUT I do remember some stupid comment I made years ago, and then imagine myself being pushed down the stairs as "punishment". I remember sitting in a hotel room banging my head against a desk in a misguided attempt to hurt myself just so I could shed some tears and feel something different. I remember avoiding going to the store when I needed to, just because the thought of making small talk with a cashier scared me to death.

You may not have had those experiences, but we've all had something. You know when something isn't right in your life. Your thoughts and feelings are completely valid. I think sometimes we're under a lot of pressure due to the stigma around mental illness. Uninformed people say that anti-depressants are over prescribed, or that mental illness isn't real, and that people should "suck it up." And you can't help but take a moment to question whether you're one of "those people". But you're the one who is experiencing your own thoughts and feelings, and you know the cloud is there. It's not a contest, so you don't need have all these other outward signs to be depressed on the inside.

[oak]

I validate your experience. Your experience is a worthy (if unpleasant) human experience.

Feel free to reject the following, but perhaps- perhaps- would the following words describe certain experiences within your depression?:

ennui

existential creeped-out-ness, a certain moral clamminess

Just curious.

[brownblob]

Yes, you are depressed enough. You know when something is wrong. You know if there is a cloud there. Depression is not a competition. It can be different for everybody. I get up and go to work and function. I do what I have to do, but I'm completely drained by it.

[dave]

As if being depressed didn't suck enough already, we have to question whether our own depression is good enough. I relate!

[RobotWithHumanHair]

Thank you, everyone.

Even though Paul always tells us that we're not alone...I guess sometimes I need that validation to really prove it.

And oh yes, ennui definitely fits me. Maybe some existential creeped-out-ness too - lately I've been suffering from a "What's the point?" mentality, since day after day, nothing changes and it's just the same...repetitive...BS...over and over again.

[ike]

Yes. Yes you are. I think most of us have had the same thoughts.


Hang in there!