Used words => Buspirone

[oak]

I'm usually encouraging others here to "use their words". I took my own advice.

Long story, but on Wednesday, after weeks of pressure and stress, I was lightheaded and faint. My recollection is spotty, but I remember thinking to myself: "Use your words". Somehow typing here on this forum many times got through to me. I wasn't thinking straight.

Soon enough, fortunately, I was talking to a doctor. Along with exercise, sleeping, and eating better (which we agreed I've done pretty well with lately), he asked if I was notionally open to medicine. I was not in a position to refuse any ideas for help, so heck yeah!

He prescribed buspirone, and I've been taking it for a few days.

I used my words the other day to ask for help.

I am using my words right now to say that I am experiencing something I don't understand, and I am scared. I am still lightheaded though my cognition is fine.

Like the banner says above, I am not alone, even though I often feel alone.

[Cami]

I think we all often sit with the "alone" feeling, even though we know intellectually that there's other people feeling our pain and has sympathy for our struggles.

But good that you used your words, here - have a comforting internet hug!

Lightheadedness came come from a lot of things, but since you're already on medicine, I'll assume your doctor have tested stuff like your blood pressure, blood sugar etc?

[oak]

Hello and thank you for the internet hug, Cami. It is much appreciate.

Yes, my blood came back normal last year, and at the conclusion of our meeting on Wednesday he said I'll be fine. While that isn't a guarantee in this life, it is good enough for me to move forward, with a little hope.

I'll take the medicine, continue to try harder to eat and exercise right, and take steps to reduce my stress.

I feel a little better, I suppose. I am cutting back on my obligations, which weren't actually obligations.

I am hoping to incrementally improve my life this summer, and I have reason to believe I can effect this.

Whatever I do I can't keep living like I have the last 18 months. My body and psyche are sending such strong signals.

[oak]

Buspirone update, 6 days in.

I am not sure if it is taking effect or not, but I feel fine.

I was woozy, weirded-out the first few days I took it. The doctor, a lovely man, said it should start to take effect in a few days.

If anything, I feel evened out. Normal. A bit more focused? I feel good. Not great. Like solidly good.

Yesterday I realized that something specific that was happening to me, which usually would have upset me, was fine.

Maybe that's the best word for how I feel: fine.

My only regret is not taking this eighteen months ago! Aggh! I should have used my words much sooner, and reached out for help.

Well, for today, for all the problems I have, I am Enough.

More updates soon!

[ladysquid]

This is what I needed to see right now. I need to do the same.

Heck yes for taking care of yourself! I know how difficult it can be. It sounds like you're doing all the right things and I hope you're giving yourself credit for that.

[oak]

(Note: I have never found water-dispensing appliances arousing. Until now, I guess.)

I guess I am not quite a month into my buspirone. Like I said above, I feel normal, totally, profoundly fine. If there is a scale of 1 to 10, I am happily at a 6.

I still have anxiety, almost more as a habit. I don't know.

I do know that oh boy did something kick my libido into the stratosphere about ten days ago. I was at work and saw a drinking fountain I see every day.

Somehow that populated all sorts of sexy thoughts. I wasn't attracted to the drinking fountain, but it somehow sparked something in my psyche.

I also had a sudden, urgent hunger. For red meat, to eat ravenously, like an animal. I remember stuffing a rueben sandwich into my mouth, and it being extremely satisfying.

Just as soon as these hungers and desire were switched on, they disappeared.

I guess I am wondering if the buspirone activated these strong, urgent desires, or if I've been worn down so long by worry and anxiety that those levels of desire are "normal" for me. I have no idea.

In general, my brain is a bit foggy this week. It could be the lack of sunlight (I have something like SAD), but words/ideas are on the tip of my tongue.

All in all buspirone has been a profoundly fine experience, perfectly fine. Not great, just "normal".

I am still not where I want to be, as far as anxiety. I suppose I am better off. I am taking action in addressing/mitigating/preventing some very serious issues I've been facing this year.

Thanks for listening. More updates soon.

[oak]

@ladysquid: Thanks for your kind words.

I hope you are doing well.

[oak]

I am one month in on buspirone, and all in all I am glad to be on it, and grateful for it.

I am certainly much better off mentally, if a little unhinged physically.

I feel totally, completely "normal" on buspirone. As if buspirone is a rubber band that is more easily/effortlessly regressing my psyche to the mean of a mood of "perfectly fine". My memory/thinking is not quite as sharp. I also get woozy in the late morning and heart racing (see below).

Without sarcasm or irony, buspirone for me is like that second caffeinated beverage in the morning: an everyday, sublime bit of satisfying little-joy.

(I am very grateful for this forum; I'm 40 but in the old days before the internet it would just be me, alone, thinking I am crazy, alone, and damaged. I have a voice, here. If I am only as sick as my secrets, I am about to get a little better. It is time for this secret to come out into the light.)

I've experienced a life-crisis this year. Though I've faced worse situations in my life, this crisis was a physical/mental/identity breakdown. That my current way of life is not working. My psyche held together through the poverty and chaos, putting itself off (for awhile) while I figured out survival. Now that I am surviving my psyche went kerplunk.

Which is just me avoiding getting the secret out. Here goes:

My heart is racing. The doctor listened and said my heart is fine, and authorized me to get a stress test, which I am in the process of setting up.

Weekends, especially Friday and Saturday night, are really hard for me. Along with the anxiety, I've developed some hypochondria.

I am just really hurting.

I don't want to live the way I have; I want to take better care of myself. I am lonely. I thought life would be different.

When I wasn't looking, and without meaning to, The Wheels Fell Off.

I tried to do things right, but trying to fix them made things worse.

If I may equivocate about the word "heart" for a moment.

I work across the street from the finest heart care institution in the world.

They have amazing surgery, technology, and medicine. Astonishing advances by wonderful people.

But they can't heal the broken heart across the street. Maybe my heart needs hope and love and fun. Or more of it.

[manuel_moe_g]

I've experienced a life-crisis this year. Though I've faced worse situations in my life, this crisis was a physical/mental/identity breakdown. That my current way of life is not working. My psyche held together through the poverty and chaos, putting itself off (for awhile) while I figured out survival. Now that I am surviving my psyche went kerplunk.

Please take care. I need you to take good care of yourself.

[rivergirl]

Oak,

I just wanted you to know that I read your post, and I care.

rivergirl