Spent the whole day in the hospital

[Jitterz]

The last couple of days I felt like I was dying. Dizzy spells, migraines, racing heart, tremors, etc. My anxiety basically had convinced me that I was dying. I went to the er and had a bunch of blood work done, a CT scan, and they checked my blood pressure and heart rhythm, all that fun stuff. They shot me up with some crazy migraine medication that I must have had an allergic reaction to because I instantly began shaking uncontrollably it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced and I have been to the er a lot for panic attacks but never in my life had it ever been this terrifying. Now I'm afraid to take my medication. I'm so afraid I'm going to die even though the Dr's and nurses at the hospital sent me home on a perfectly clean bill of health. It was basically another very long visit to the ER only to be sent home on a small dose of Ativan. Now I'm at home in bed with tingling hands and still afraid I'm going to die. I am still pretty convinced that something is physically wrong. How can a mental disorder make these physical symptoms seem so real? I can't live like this anymore. I just want to get better. I wanted to go out with friends tonight. I'm missing out on life and my twenties are passing me by as I live my life in fear.

[oak]

You're doing good, Jitterz. You're doing exactly what you should be doing:

1. Taking action to get help

2. Using your words

You're doing everything you need to be doing. If things get bad, just repeat 1 and 2 above until someone listens.

There will be plenty of time to hang out with friends soon. Perhaps, after your long day today, it is best to stay in. You can make plans to get out more, soon. For now you can give yourself permission to relax for today. You've experienced enough for one day.

In the meantime, you've earned the right to watch this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_8htiBjTCY

[Jitterz]

Thank you so much for your kind words and reassurance. Now I think all I need to help my anxiety is a stuffed Charmander to cuddle with

[Imissmysun]

That is a super scary high intensity anxiety attack - and it sounds like it sucked - I hope that you are feeling better now - and yes 20's are supposed to be all "fun and chill" - however I had a child and was married in a really messed up very childish relationship with a man with undiagnosed bipolar - he was a compulsive liar - but had all this charaisma - it f'ed up my psyche big time - I was basically just a gooey mess my whole 20's - it happens - ther eis no "supposed to" there is just you and your mental health - doing what is best for you in the moment - getting help and keeping your mind open - see if there is a support group that your therapist recommends - they seem to help a lot of people - it would get you a little more social and out there and in a healthy way

[Jitterz]

Thank you so much...I had to leave early from work today because the dizziness had gotten worse and was unbearable. Went to my regular dr and she told me I was experiencing Vertigo which could be caused by anxiety or my medication (my psych and I have still been making frequent adjustments to my medication. ) today the Dr gave me meds for dizziness and I'm just waiting for it to kick in. Still hoping that this is all it is and nothing super serious. It's freaking me out so bad.

[oak]

Just hold on, Jitterz. Hang in there.

You'll make it through today.

[Jitterz]

Well I think I know what it is and I feel like an idiot because I've been through this before.
BRAIN ZAPS.
How did this not even occur to me?
With that being said I might be taking a leave of absence from work which I don't wanna do because I actually enjoy going to work I feel like a normal functioning person going to my boring 9-5. But I can barely even get dressed let alone drive my crazy butt to work
..sorry I've been posting so much I just have so much shit on my mind and anxiety is thru the fucking roof.

[Imissmysun]

You are welcome to post as much as you need to - I post just about daily in my journal - it helps me sort out my brain..

I can take time to think about how I am feeling and find a space to communicate it and get validation - its a really great tool and I am really happy to have it -

I just looked up brain zaps - those suck - I guess I have had them as well and attributed them to a million other things - anxiety sucks so much - sometimes I widh there were really big bears and tigers to run away from - then at least I would know why I was scared -

THis being afraid of ideas in your brain is hard and then your brain talking you out of thinking that you are having problems - its like your own brain is gas lighting you - seriously messed up -

I hope that you are getting rest and that you do not have any problems getting leave (sometimes boring 9-5 jobs are really evil about time off for these kinds of things)

[EmeraldArcher]

Once when I was going through a really stressful and depressing part of my life, I went to an ER because I felt myself physically shaking uncontrollably. The doctor was so condescending and kept trying to convince me that nothing was physically wrong with me. She said, "It doesn't look like you're shaking to me." She didn't ask me about my emotional well-being. About two weeks later, I was hospitalized for depression and psychosis. I have worked really hard at getting better and through a combination of meds, therapy, effort, and luck, I've stayed out of the hospital for about ten years. But I still get really triggered when I see people dismissing mental illness.

[brownblob]

Your awesome. Dealing with depression sucks and it sounds like you've been fighting hard against it. Congrats on going 10 years without having a hospital visit. It really bothers me when I hear people dismiss mental illness or if I hear them say completely ignorant things. It also angers me that there is such a stigma to it, that I have to keep it my secret and can't say anything to these people.