Bookending: 7 things to do.

[oak]

Lots of MIHH love.

During 2016 (personally my worst year ever), I've had an ongoing personal crisis. Tonight, HALT, with sadness and chest pains from stress, I swore to myself that I'd never feel this bad again. I decided, right then, to take several (seven, at current count) simple and easy ****actions**** that I hope to make me feel better.

To have some agency in my life, to take things back from people who are so mean and callous to me.

I want to bookend (a technique I learned in Debtors Anonymous where one contacts a friend before and after taking a difficult action).

I'll post here as I complete them. I hope to have my list done by Thanksgiving.

I am really sad and lonely. I want to take more action regarding my own life. Thanks for listening.

[brownblob]

Hi Oak,
Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. I hit those lows where I want to change but I can never figure out what action to take. I hope your list comes together and I wish you luck.

[Beany Boo]

I don’t know your situation so my advice may be misplaced; for which I apologise.

Sadness and loneliness are not necessarily bad.

It can indicate you’ve reached a point where you’ve become autonomous. The pain of that can be unbearable; to begin with.

But if you try to take action to escape from it you risk (literally) doing yourself out of the opportunity to allow that autonomy to evolve and develop

I’m not suggesting do nothing and just resigning yourself to be subject to sadness and loneliness. Rather I’m saying, if these feeling mean you’re being true to yourself, it may be prudent not to interrupt the momentum of that new ‘event’ with actions that counter it.

[AtomicCowgirl]

Sending you lots of courage and love as you work through your list.

[oak]

Thank you, thank you so very much for your kind, thoughtful replies. They mean so much to me, more than I can express with words, here.

Update 1 of 2

Reviewing the list, of the eight things to do:

2 are unambiguously complete

1 is begun, until "Thanksgiving got in the way"

5 are not started

Do I feel better than when I first posted here? Yes, absolutely! Deciding to make a change immediately improved things.

What happened in the meaning is that I began to grieve over two disappointments in 2016. There were situations that seemed so likely, so close in late summer that I was lead to believe, or had good reason to believe, would make great improvements in two very important areas of my life. Neither happened, and this time of year (rather than Thanksgiving, which doesn't mean a whole to me) seems like the perfect season to experience.

It is as if the grief bubbled up.

It is not that the remaining six actions are impossible or even difficult: I have the capacity to do all of them in a few hours.

But my soul, experiencing grief, can't be ignored anymore.

I may try to complete task #7 today, but I am going to give myself a little space, a little grace. I am going to journal. I am really hurting. I am grieving for the man I could have been.

[manuel_moe_g]

I wish I could put my arm around your shoulders because of your grief. Please take care and push through your bookending list. You deserve the good things that will come from finishing your list, oak.

[AtomicCowgirl]

Such great recognition that your grief needs to be acknowledged and dealt with in the moment. You are showing me a lot of ways I can be kinder to myself.

Thinking of you as you go through your grieving.

[oak]

Thanks so much, Manuel Moe and Atomickitten. Thank you for giving me space- permission, really- to grieve.

Update 2 of 3.

Today I accomplished item 6 of 7.

It was one of the two most important actions. The other most-important action is left, and I hope to do it tomorrow.

[AtomicCowgirl]

Your motivation to work through this list is generating some motivation in me to take care of some of my own self-care checklist items. You're doing great, Oak. Lots of jedi hugs as you continue.

[oak]

Thanks Atomickitten!

I hope things go well for you, and your encouragement has meant alot to me.

I'll do the final action on Monday in your honor.