Ongoing: living anxiety workbook

[brownblob]

Awesome

[bigeekgirl]

Woo hoo!

Maybe I'm a weirdo (okay, I'm certainly a weirdo) but I loved first dates. I love getting to know someone platonic-wise as well. Can't wait to hear about your adventure.

[oak]

Thanks BB and BGG!

I am trying to keep this about facing my anxiety, not about forcing a response from someone else (ie a "good" or "bad" date).

I am going to spend some time with the anxiety workbooks to create a hierarchy (a graduated list of increasingly anxiety-causing experiences) for this date.

Updates to follow.

And BGG, if you're a weirdo... you're our weirdo.

[bigeekgirl]

[oak]

Action taken yesterday

1. Dating: Emboldened by a beautiful brunette agreeing to go on a date with me a few days ago, I found the courage (more accurately: I listened to my conscience's urging) and invited out another beautiful brunette girl. She said no, kindly. My fear was considerably less in asking her out. (The fear was less, to be blunt, because a more beautiful brunette already said yes.)

2. Financial: I asked my friend in HR about salary advances. I was ashamed to ask, but everyone treated it like no big deal. Hmmm.

Action scheduled for today

1. Dating: I am going to a nearby mall, as I know a beautiful blond and a beautiful redhead work there. If either or both are there this morning, I'm asking them out*.

2. Dental: In normal, everyday light my teeth look okay, perfectly fine. Yet, when I saw my reflection at the periodontist's office last week, with their special light, I was horrified by the plaque. (I say "horrified" without exaggeration or self-deprecation. Simply sincerely.) I instantly remembered the one-on-one flossing instruction** I received in 2017 and then immediately ignored. I resolved right then to floss. In addition, I want to track and tally my eating using the circa 2015 Weight Watchers numbers. Both of these, periodontal care and food tracking, will take about ten minutes each a day.


Footnotes

* Ten days ago I couldn't imagine that a woman would go on a date with me. Then, after hearing yes from a brunette, to sincerely borrow a phrase, I had the audacity of hope to complete the trifecta of asking out one each of brunette/blond/redhead. I've somehow tapped into courage. It is something outside me.

** This flossing instruction is surprising detailed: three parts (floss, toothpick, and using this odd sort of toothbrush to massage the gums). Much like the anxiety workbook actions, all this is a big pain in the butt, with no guarantee it will work. However, just like the anxiety, I've seen the alternative, and so taking my chances on often-annoying daily action seems much preferable. Even if I don't know how it will turn out.

[oak]

tldr: A big day! Date confirmed. Walk-in dental cleaning. Asked someone (fine) out.

Action taken today:

1. Dating

a. I called the beautiful brunette and confirmed the date for tomorrow. A stutterer, using the phone has always been difficult for me. But I wanted to confirm this date with this gorgeous girl more than I didn't want to talk on the phone. It went great.

b. While waiting in line at the dentist, I chatted up a very attractive woman, and invited her out for tea after our cleanings. She declined.

c. While playing Pokemon Go at the mall, I chatted up a very attractive Latina, who declined with stated regret. She was so kind.

2. Using My Words, Taking Action

Before going to mall for a flirt session, I decided to stop by the store for toothpicks for my periodontal cleaning habit. I had a beautiful conversation with the cashier, who overcame a hip replacement and two knee replacements. Knowing nothing of my struggle, she said that in life we have to take action and meet our goals. She is a beautiful person, and I would do well to be as focused and loving as her.

[mildly gross dental stuff ahead]

Feeling proud of myself, I immediately tried to scrape the plaque off my teeth, using the toothpick while looking in the car mirror. I was horrified, again, when the toothpick did absolutely nothing.

I remembered that there was a chain dental office next to the store I just left.

Somehow Courage, or God, or Fortune, or whatever took my conscious mind over and next thing I know I'm in the dental office. I'm in my car one moment, and inside the next. A fugue state!

I hear the receptionist on the phone saying "The soonest appointment we have is Tuesday..." My heart sinks but I don't leave. I'm here to say what I have to say. If I'm going down I'm going down trying.

Me (to receptionist): Hello. You don't know me, but I have a date tomorrow, and the plaque on my teeth is revolting. Can I get in today?

Wonderful receptionist: Hmmm. If you fill out this form we can get you in at 10:30.

[I look at the clock; it is 10:24]

Long story short, the amazing hygienist makes my teeth beautiful.

She also cut through all the insurance and payment red tape, just so I could be confident with a pretty woman the next day. The hygienist doesn't know me, I can't help her. Either her or the receptionist would have been perfectly justified in turning me away. Both went way out of their way to help me, a stranger.

In 12 step programs they say God looks out for drunks and babies. More than once, and especially today, people have gone out of their way to help me overcome mistakes when I am trying to be courageous. I'm like a puppy, all sincerity and enthusiasm, bounding into messes that are over my head, and that I better not consider the odds of success for, because they're not good odds. All I have is a smile, and two feet to walk me into one awkward social situation after another. People show such kindness and warmth as they sacrifice to help me, protecting my dignity. They have done it every single time.

Big date tomorrow! I'll post before, probably, about: "What is success?" (The truth? I'm a success today if I don't drink today.)

[oak]

tldr: she canceled, and everything worked out good.

So she canceled, but was kind enough to text me, instead of ghosting me there!

Disappointed, of course, I immediately went into action-mode: "Shoulders back, head up, breathe" I told myself. "Play some Pokemon Go to stay out of your head, and then go flirt with every woman at the mall!". I did, but first sent her this text:

"I'm sorry to hear you can't make it. If this is because you're not interested in me, I understand, and will see you around. If you're interested, I want to invite you out late this week for coffee at [place convenient for me]."

"Who is this person?", I wondered to myself. I was never this direct or plainspoken before facing my anxiety. I don't recognize myself anymore!

She replied, saying she was interested, and after some light flirty texts back and forth we have plans to get coffee in a week. It is all good.

I'm disappointed, of course, because I wanted to see her today. But now I have something to look forward to, and this gives another week to eat right, exercise, and chat up every attractive woman I see.

Above all, this is about me facing my anxiety, being the person that Life (or Courage or Endeavor)is demanding of me. I know for a fact I'd not be having this great experience without the anxiety workbooks. Your support here, the posts in this forum, are a big help. To the extent that I am a success, it is definitely a "we" success.

[bigeekgirl]

Wonderful!

I was thinking about you today and how brave it is to ask women out in person in the era of online dating. Even as a woman, I've always relied on the internet for meeting people. AOL chat, back in the day. Online dating after my divorce in 2010. You are making an impression on these ladies just by being bold and straight forward. How inspiring!

[oak]

BGG! Your kind, generous, thoughtful, wonderful post directly inspired me to ask someone out. Details below!

Unlikely Event 1:

Shocking News: A beautiful woman got nervous talking to ME!

I know she was anxious because she acted the exact same way I act when talking to a beautiful woman!

It was fascinating to see a nervous person flirt: the (charmingly) jerky movements, rapid-fire and incomprehensible subject changes, the lack of eye contact. Stuff I do all the time! Coming from her it was all very charming, and very sexy I must admit.

We were at the grocery store, and a few minutes before I found the courage to say something, I found it interesting that she kept happening to end up in the same aisle as me. She also strategically bent over at the waist to tie a shoe. Hmmm. I asked her for her opinion about brownie mix. We had a fun and flirty conversation. None of it made any sense, rationally, but the flirting came through loud and clear. (She mentioned a husband and children, so I didn't invite her out.)

So this is a big deal, a beautiful girl getting nervous around ME, and gets to what BGG said, that I had not considered: I am having an effect on others.

Unlikely Event 2:

When I was at the mall and the grocery store I noticed that when people-strangers- walked by me they'd stop, look into my eyes, and smile.

In Which BGG Lent Me Courage

This Lincoln quote perfectly says what your post did for me, BGG:

“I'm a success today because I had a friend who believed in me and I didn't have the heart to let her down.”

I read your lovely reply ten times, BGG. I hadn't considered that what I was doing would be noticed by others, and that it might bring pleasure, and yes dare I say sexual excitement and desire, to a woman's day.

Long story short, I chatted up a cute cute cute woman, saw her flirt, said goodbye, and just walked away. Regretting not at least trying to invite her out, I remembered that it is never too late to do the right thing. I remembered your wonderful post, stopped, turned around, and walked right back towards her.

I told her that that the real reason I talked to her a few minutes previously wasn't because of the supposed topic, but because I thought you were cute. She smiled, and I invited her out to Orange Julius (such a cheesy place to invite someone, but we were at the mall and it was all I could think of!). She declined politely, and I explained that inviting her out was part of me facing my social anxiety. We had a really nice conversation, and then I had to get going to talk to the next cutie.

Other Action Taken

Dental: While I don't have any dental fear, really, I do have considerable periodontal (gum) anxiety. Particularly about flossing and plaque. Today I found my little toothpick thingee, and got a hand mirror at the dollar store so I can see a little better at the back of my teeth.

I've been reading the anxiety workbooks! Which was the original purpose of this thread.

Summary

I was exhausted, raw, and low on hope ten days ago. If you told me that one beautiful girl would agree to go on a date with me, and another beautiful girl would be nervous talking to me, I would have laughed bitterly.

Tonight, after these unexpected adventures, I thought to myself that while I certainly don't want to die anytime soon, if I were to die right now, I would be content.

[bigeekgirl]

Orange Julius - that's adorable!

I'm going to be brave as I can today, too, and blame it on my friend Oak. Jumping into work stuff instead of slacking.