Therapy pisses me off

[Ihavetinnitus_mawp]

If I'm feeling pissed off and defensive in therapy is that a sign we are getting somewhere? I can't stop arguing with and dismissing my therapist's suggestions. I want to just scream, you don't get it, it's not that simple, your interpretation of my situation is reductive, etc. I'm not saying they're fully incorrect but I just feel like they're missing the point. But maybe I'm totally out to lunch and an asshole and I should just do what this stranger who barely knows me says without questioning them. I don't know... Argh.

[brownblob]

I'm not an expert on therapy, but to me what you feel is natural. You probably need to find someone else, but I think you also need to ask yourself why are you feeling this anger? Are you putting up a wall? Is there a way you can express your feelings constructively to the therapist instead of just bottling up this anger towards them? It is easier to say these things than do them. I kind of struggle with the same kind of feelings sometimes with people.

[Ihavetinnitus_mawp]

You make a really good point. It's for sure a wall but I really don't know how to tell the therapist they are making me angry because there's a shame there maybe. Like the are exposing my hypocrisies and I feel like it makes me a bad person. Or they suggest a solution without considering the context of my situation or personality - I get angry because I start wondering if they even care about how their suggestion might play out and backfire and make things worse. Like if it were 'that simple' don't they think I would have already tried what they were suggesting? So then I wonder are they just messing with me to see how I respond to get a guage on how much of a mess I am? Yes I'm paranoid lol. I just feel like therapy is emotional surgery without anasthesia and maybe I'm just going into shock and trying to fight back even though a part of me knows I need help. I'm not sure. I really blanked at the how to express it constructively part lol.

[brownblob]

Yeah, I don't know how to express things constructively either but it sounded good. I'm also paranoid and have had the same reaction to people who don't get what I'm feeling telling me what I should do. It's like I try to tell someone how I feel and they basically tell me not to feel that way. I feel that anger rising in me. I feel like I'm building walls to defend myself from someone who is trying to help. I walk away from the experience relieved and disappointed.
Loved the line about it being emotional surgery without anesthesia.

[bigeekgirl]

One of the reasons therapy is such a powerful tool is the opportunity to have those uncomfortable conversations with another human being. Otherwise we could heal ourselves by reading books and I'm living proof that doesn't work. A good therapist isn't going to take it personal that you are angry or frustrated. They should help you get to the bottom of those feelings. Yes, it's emotional surgery without anesthesia. Personally, I'd stay with this therapist and talk with them about your concerns. It would very likely be the same concerns eventually with a new therapist, so might as well work through it.

[Ihavetinnitus_mawp]

Everything you just said. So much that.

Yeah, I don't know how to express things constructively either but it sounded good. I'm also paranoid and have had the same reaction to people who don't get what I'm feeling telling me what I should do. It's like I try to tell someone how I feel and they basically tell me not to feel that way. I feel that anger rising in me. I feel like I'm building walls to defend myself from someone who is trying to help. I walk away from the experience relieved and disappointed.
Loved the line about it being emotional surgery without anesthesia.

[Ihavetinnitus_mawp]

I think you make really good points. I'm still chatting with my betterhelp counselor that is asking simple questions that are pissing me off. Me feeling angry and defensive isn't enough to walk away, but I did let a previous therapist go because it got out of hand. I got upset with her and after a very frustrating session where I had more than a couple outbursts she decided to find my phone number in the office files so she could call me to smooth things over. I felt like my privacy was invaded (I didn't consent to phone calls, only to automated text notifications for upcoming appointments) and I just felt judged and like I couldn't trust her, not totally safe. I am not sure if I overreacted to her reaching out but I just went with my gut and thought it doesn't matter if I'm wrong or right, ultimately I need to at least feel comfortable expressing myself and trusting the person can handle it professionally. Hoping this time it will go a bit better. Maybe the text chat format will help me check my reactions a bit. I've definitely caught myself a few times fully dismissing the counselor's suggestions and then being like, wait, nope, I'm doing that thing again, lol.

One of the reasons therapy is such a powerful tool is the opportunity to have those uncomfortable conversations with another human being. Otherwise we could heal ourselves by reading books and I'm living proof that doesn't work. A good therapist isn't going to take it personal that you are angry or frustrated. They should help you get to the bottom of those feelings. Yes, it's emotional surgery without anesthesia. Personally, I'd stay with this therapist and talk with them about your concerns. It would very likely be the same concerns eventually with a new therapist, so might as well work through it.

[brownblob]

I think you did the right thing in switching counselors. She broke through some boundaries and made you uncomfortable.
I tried the betterhelp thing this month. It was a good format for me, because I'm so paranoid of mental health workers that I would shutdown in a face to face setting. Honestly, I feel like I'm being interrogated by cops instead of being in a healing environment. The betterhelp format is good for me, but I didn't think the counselor understood me and there was no connection. She just pushed being more positive and I am trying that, but I didn't feel like the therapy wasn't going anywhere, so I am cancelling it. I may try again at some point in the future.

[bigeekgirl]

Looking up your phone number when you didn't consent to that isn't cool. She could have asked for a phone call if she thought it was important.

I will admit, I come at this from a different perspective as I am extremely codependent, people pleasing and especially respond to authority as long as they have credibility - break that trust and watch out - so I've always gotten along with my therapists. Probably the only bad experience I had was this lady my ex-husband saw who acted like we were there for couples counseling when it was about his bipolar disorder. I've also had doctors and other health care providers tell me I'm wrong about my own medical history which pisses me off to no end. Of course, I just don't go back.

[Ihavetinnitus_mawp]

brownblob did you try switching counsellors? Sounds like the format was useful but it just wasn't the right person