new and seeking support

[common-bluebell]

To anyone who might be reading this.. hello!

I am nervous but also excited to have found a forum like this. A big thank you to Paul for everything you do.

I feel the need to say that I am not here to feel sorry for myself. I know so many here have it a lot worse. But regardless, I am depressed, anxious, and need help. So I figure to get started, I should give some background on myself, even if it makes me uncomfortable.

I come from a pretty dysfunctional household. I have 9 brothers and sisters, a verbally abusive dad, and a mom who is addicted to drugs. Growing up was weird because we had money, so looking from the outside of our home, you would never be able to tell how bad things were. It was only from the inside that you could hear all of the screaming and fighting. Unless the police were called by either parent, in which case, I guess the neighbors knew. After years and years of dysfunction, and spending many days in hospital rooms so my mom could get surgeries she did not need, we eventually left here. In the middle of the day, with nothing but the clothes we were wearing, we drove to another state to start over without telling her. It was scary, but also freeing. I was 13 or 14. It was left to me to take care of the younger kids in a lot of ways.

There are a lot of other things that may have contributed to my depression. I know the verbal abuse has caused me to hate myself quite a bit. Also just the fact that I come from my mom makes me pretty mad at myself.. There was some sexual abuse but it was verbal.. which is hard to explain but if anyone knows what I am talking about, please feel free to reach out. I am sure I will get more into that in another post.
I hope to find some people here who understand me who I can take comfort from and also give comfort to.

Looking forward to talking soon,

-common-bluebell

[oak]

Welcome and thank you for sharing.

I’ll look forward to future posts of yours with interest.

[common-bluebell]

Thank you Oak!

[bigeekgirl]

Welcome! Thank you for sharing. Hope to see you around the forum. It's a great place to get support.