My eating habit (ongoing). Love for reality show.

[oak]

Thanks BGG! Your encouragement gave me courage to face the anxiety to use my words.

Report!

I walked away from our meeting for four actionable steps before our next meeting:

1. Track eating (easy, due to my experience in Weight Watchers).

2. Be more intentional/focused/diligent regarding eating one serving each of fruits and vegetables a day. Eat the rainbow, specifically green, blue, and white.

3. Be more intentional/focused/diligent regarding exercising a total of four hours a week.

(For both #2 and #3 I am already at 75% of where'd we all like me to be.)

4. Increase my fat intake, as lentils, beans, turkey, etc have very little fat. Sometimes I find myself ravenously (but not compulsively) eating bagels with wonderful butter at night. We agreed that dark chocolate is a good idea. I am satisfied with two little squares of 70% cocoa chocolate a day, and it would give me something like 50% of my recommended fat.

As a balding man in his early 40s, we identified my belly as a real concern. I am 5-10, 195 pounds, with all my weight in my belly and chins.

I was pleased and touched that she accepted my reason for improving my eating habit (I like someone), which supports my reasons for doing so (feeling better, etc.)

I really like someone specific, and want to attract this person. Nutrition is the foundation. That, and sleep. And proper hydration.

The nutritionist reports that I am on my way.

[oak]

Update!

I am doing fairly well with tracking my eating, and eating the rainbow, as I rediscover vegetables.

These efforts are made easier to effect because I am in love with someone.

A few weeks ago For the first time ever, when looking at myself at the front in a full length mirror, I see a perfectly straight line from shoulders to hip to waist. No muffin top for the first time in decades.

This week, and I hardly dare admit this, I am seeing the very the first outline of a V shaped torso. I use my words to say, to admit, that I have the broad shoulders of a man.

[bigeekgirl]

Wow! That V shape is a heck of an accomplishment. It's what makes Captain America look perfect in his spandex. Bravo!

[oak]

Thanks BGG! Your encouragement means a lot!

Two quick updates:

1. I got my EAP sponsored annual biometric numbers back, and most are improved. Half are in the green, and those in the red are not too far.

I definitely have a ways to go, but I continue to effect the nutritionist’s instructions (however imperfectly!).

2. A colleague is taking me foraging at the research farm. He was a chef for many years.

I’ll report then!

[oak]

I went foraging with my colleague and had a wonderful time.

He gave me a choice mushroom, and I will soon sauté it will some poblano peppers, garlic, and green onions. That mirepoix will soon be put on a homemade pizza, or my de rigueur bean burritos. Yum.

I am trying to expand my palate, increasing the fresh fruits, vegetables, and mushrooms. At best it is two steps forward, one step back.

I am going to the physical therapist this week, and also checking out a gym in my new town.

I am trying to ease into being a grownup.

[oak]

In which I realize I am not a tradcon (traditional conservative).

This has nothing to do with politics or patriotism, and everything to do with culture.

I like lots of corporate food, in moderation: pop, some candy.

Today I ate a chicken tender and it was the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.

In that moment I knew I was not of tradcon America. Without wanting to, or caring, I became a coastal elite.

My family of origin loves fried chicken. Just like them I used to eat it all the time.

This morning I had wild mushrooms (chanterelles, oyster, and hen of the woods) sautéed with green onions. I love quinoa and sushi. This summer I referred to soccer as football. I drink soy milk and found myself referring to regular milk as cows milk.

I didn’t want to not fit into tradcon America. But the culture has seemed to move toward shibboleths, and they pushed me to the cultural left. We could have just been friends.

Tomorrow I have my first ever coding interview. I have a $100 toothbrush. I am effeminate.

I am sorry there are two Americas. The tradcons don’t want me. I find their food culture revolting, even though I grew up on it, and enthusiastically ate it as recently as two years ago.

[manuel_moe_g]

Truly a self-actualized man. So much to admire. Hats off to you, Oak!

[oak]

Thanks Manuel Moe!

Update:

I looked at the much reviled MyPyramid. Everyone hates it, but it was created by smart people who are fitter than me [thinking emoji].

I realized I need to eat more whole grains and vegetables.

Ergo, taking action I got a container of ready to eat "spring greens", and I continue to push my palate with mushrooms. I find it easier to add these new/scary foods to things I already like.

In practice, I can add a few mushrooms or greens, just a little at first!, to my bean burritos. Delicious!

I am also doing better with tracking my eating and exercise. I have a little system to make sure I'm drinking the recommended amount of water.

Since I've gotten more serious about lifting weights (2 pound dumbbells, focusing on form and motion), I find my appetite naturally increasing. I find that as I age I need to eat more often, small meals. I easily get HALT after 3 hours.

I certainly feel better and more lithe. I still have two chins and a big belly

My new eating habit is not burdensome. We'll see if my male beauty efforts pay off during my date this weekend. Thanks for listening! <3

[oak]

Food and alcohol abuse trigger warnings.

I say all the following sincerely, without an ounce of irony. I speak only for myself, and about myself.

Rant, with any anger directly solely at myself.

At the risk of exposing the fact that parts of me are a jerk, can I be honest for a moment?

Were I to be honest, I profoundly understand the people on "My 600 Pound Life". I could easily be on that show.

Part of me is 600 pounds. I don't want to work, and I want people to bring me food.

I love cookies, cake, pies (fruity and especially creamy), pop. I love rich food: meats and gravy and mashed potatoes.

I love not exercising, not stretching, not sleeping enough, and not drinking enough water.

If I could, I'd eat ice cream cake for breakfast, pizza with lots of bacon and that garlic/butter sauce for lunch, and just tons of stew for dinner. Meanwhile I'd eat kettle corn and Little Debbie Snack cakes all day. I'd eat those really big Mr. Goodbars right before going to sleep after 5 am, after playing video games all night.

I would never work again. I'd probably never drive again.

Of course, every episode starts with them suffering to shower.

I must admit that I like to shower, and shave.

They all also detail their joint pain agony, and I really don't like the idea of that scene.

An analogy: Me and alcohol

After getting drunk thousands of times in my 20s, I got drunk-drunk twice in my 30s. It really began to suck, and I could tell that aging and hangover suckiness were positively correlated. I remember the hell of my last drunk, at age 31, and realized I didn't have the courage to be an alcoholic. I was a wimp.

Again, no irony.

"If this is what alcoholism is, this is not for me." I remember swearing to myself.

Many of you know that I had a good friend and neighbor who drank himself to death. I can't imagine the hell he went through. He died at age 39, and one night of hell at 31 was too much for me. I don't know how he handled it. While I wish he were still here, sober and healthy, I am glad his suffering is over.

To bring this back to food/600 Pound Life

I would be 600 pounds and unemployed if I could. There is a man inside me who is 600 and just endlessly consumes.

The separation between me and the people on 600 Pound Life is thin, tissue thin. I didn't live and my friend die because I was the better man.

Maybe liking showering and shaving is enough to keep that 600 pound man inside me at bay. I like my soap a specific way: I cycle through about 20 bars of soap, lined up on my shower/tub: I like them to dry out, and have a satisfying rattle in the plastic soap dish.

And if I'm already showering, I may as well shave. While I experiment with facial hair, there is just something really satisfying about shaving about five times a week.

And since I've shaved, I may as well do my brushing and flossing, since I went through all that trouble, pain, and expense to get my teeth fixed.

Since I'm doing things I like, since I'm grown, I wear khakis 99% of the time. I feel I like owe being sober to dress presentably. Shoulders back and down, chin up, eyes forward. I walk like I am headed somewhere, like I am somebody.

And since I'm dressed and showered, I may as well get out and play some Pokemon Go. I can do a little walking, get some sun, and see the pretty girls.

And work, man. It is a nightmare sometimes. Just the worst. Profoundly sucking. But I have a responsible job, and receive praise for my efforts.

So there's something that starts with me enjoying showering, and ends with me working.

What if that "something" disappears?

What if I lose whatever has motivated me to be the average American man (5-10, 210 pounds)?

Yeah, part of it is my good choices. Keeping that destructive "me" at bay.

But I know for a fact that I am not better than any of the people on the show. Were I in their situations I'd do the same thing.

Maybe it is about killing my pride. Being humble and grateful. And trying to do a little better next time.

[manatea]

I also love my 600 lb life. I relate to the participants on the show . At my heaviest I was about 50lbs overweight and now am about 10 lbs over. When the people talk about “constantly thinking of food and food as always being there like a friend” it makes so much sense. I do however see the destructive side in myself because the behaviors are so relatable. Does this ever stop? I hate that my weight is acceptable to after a bout of pneumonia or extremely stressful event.