Did something grown up just now.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Fact: I live paycheck to paycheck. (It sucks)

But I just did something grown up:

I put $50 on my Uber account, prepaid.

If trouble comes, doing that won’t solve all my problems, but it will get me (1) away from a bad situation or (2) home, where I can sort things out.

It is really comforting to know that if that “should I get out of here?” gut question comes, I don’t have to think/worry about using an Uber.

Also: I’ve learned: if I find myself asking “Should I get out of here?”, the answer is always yes, and now.

Trust your gut, my dear friends. Get out.

[snoringdog]

Good job!

And thanks for the reminder about following your instincts. Most of the time they're right.

Cheers,

SD

[Heatherwantspeace]

This feels like such a Be your own Loving Parent moment to me! Such self-love!

[oak]

Thanks for your encouragement!

It turns out I used it twice, in one day, for a work thing.

The bigger picture: am I worthy of Uber?

In other words, "normal" people use Uber all the time. I've been underemployed and paycheck to paycheck since I got sober (when my new life started), and I've chosen to trudge, literally.

Maybe the point is: I earned this money. I can spend it however I want.

Goodness, it feels awkward typing this. I have shame about money.

[rivergirl]

You work and support yourself Oak, that's admirable, not shameful in my opinion.

[oak]

Thanks for your encouragement, friends!

I've since used it three times:

1 and 2: To get to a work thing and back

Strangely, a colleague who never is nosy or obtrusive was really inquisitive and almost-shaming about how I was going to get back.

While this wasn't a big deal, it did prepare me mentally to trust my own judgment about when to get out of a situation, to trust my own gut, and not listen to others. I really don't know why this person said anything, but if someone will say something about a low or no-stakes trip, I should be ready for them to have opinions about high-stakes situations.

Larger life lesson: Listen to one's own gut. When we let people talk us out of urgent urges, we are really risking ourselves.

3: I got out of a pickle: I was headed to a job interview (I didn't get it, frown), and had I walked (per Google Maps) I maybe could have made it. I didn't want to be that kind of last minute person, like I have been so frequently in the past.

So I just got an Uber, and it was completely lovely.