present state

[oak]

I am glad you posted, Heather.

I don't have any advice, but I do send encouragement. You're a decent, moral person and you're on the right track.

Keep us posted.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Just want to post here that I feel like absolute shit for the past week. I hope I will feel better soon, but that may not happen.
Heather

[rivergirl]

I'm so sorry, Heather. If you feel like sharing more, please do. Sending you a virtual hug.

rg

[brownblob]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now Heather.

[Beany Boo]

Is your new job mortifying you?

Is your partner forcing emotional labor on you just to get normal shit done?

Are you getting humiliating, uninvited attention from both random and trusted men repeatedly?

Sorry for not asking earlier or more often. I’m afraid of helping people as myself. It makes me feel like I’m enough, which is scary. Okay, I’ve stopped making sense.

Even though I am affected by your suffering, your shitty feelings don’t get on me. If you let them out, I can listen to them. If I am overwhelmed I can manage that. You don’t have to take care of me in the way you share them.

[oak]

Thank you for sharing. Hang in there!

[snoringdog]

Hello Heather,

You must be feeling really bad with such a short note... Sometimes things seem hopeless and endless...

Maybe this'll bring a brief smile to your face? This is from all of us....

[Heatherwantspeace]

Hey guys,
Thanks for the love/attention. What a triggered week it was for me.

I knew there would be some loneliness to the new position, but I didn't expect to be so physically isolated. Also, someone I was counting on to be a mentor and ally has been pulled away by an immense project and can understandably not be there for me. I won't go into details because it would be tempting to try and help me fix it, and that's just not possible or desirable.

So the part of me that is the neglected child reacted strongly. That child me was in danger of actual death, and reacts to isolation and abandonment (perceived) still as a life threatening event. Honestly, I thought I had worked through this enough to not be blindsided by it, but it took me until now to figure out what's going on. Having all you come to my rescue helped me figure it out. Thanks. It felt like an embarrassingly self pitying post, but I just went with it.

I miss my therapist and I'm trying to find someone who'll do office visits. I'm in a fairly safe area and I think it could be okay. On line is just not warm and trusting for me.

Also, various crummy little life events. I had to turn in a complaint on a charity because the local chapter was mishandling money. I don't know if it was ignorance or malice, but people are donating in good faith and it's being misused. That feels like a shitty thing to do esp during a pandemic. But if there's a chance members are syphoning off money, it needs to be exposed. Still feels crummy. They do good work.

And, this weekend is a family holiday here. That's always a little rough for me, but with the above triggering, it really piled on.
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving guys! (yes, there is a Canadian amongst you)

[oak]

Heather, what a wonderful post. I'm so glad you took the time to share. You are on the right track.

First up, having worked with compliance, I cannot recommend your action enough. One of two things will happen:

1. They will discover nothing was amiss with the money, and they need to follow the finer points of handling funds, so apparent-improprieties don't show as false negatives. No biggie. The rules are there to protect everyone, despite how everyone complains about them. Following said rules avoids situations like the one you describe.

2. Something was indeed amiss, and this is an opportunity to make things right. Chances are very good someone else has already noticed something, and your heads-up could be all the shove they need to take action. I could say much more, but rest assured you can put this situation behind you. It is nerve wracking? Yes, trust me. But a clear conscience is much easier in the long run.

Likewise, you demonstrate the difficult task of handling things with your new job. These are difficult transition issues that defy easy answers. Still, keep us posted. I'd not be surprised to hear in a month that things are better.

And yes, I also greatly miss the in-person counseling. While the content is all there with online counseling, the real sense of energy-transfer is missing from the in-person counseling. It is a real loss.

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving Day!

It is no secret that Canada has many profound problems, real issues, and we both know what I'm referring to. That said, it is often a place of warmth and dignity. We can all look to Canada to see how to create a multicultural nation based on cheer and hard work. Your posts here are a fine reflection of the best of what Canada can be.

[Heatherwantspeace]

Yes, we have a lot to answer for with the generations of trauma we've caused indigenous people. I can't do the Happy Canada Day! bullshit anymore.