Looking for a community

[louisa]

Hi everyone,

Paul recently read my survey on the podcast and he answered my question about how I could connect with other Austrian listeners by directing me to this forum. I didn't find many recent posts concerning the issues I'm dealing with (childhood sexual trauma, depression, disordered eating, anxiety etc), so I thought I might start by introducing myself.

I've been struggling with mental health issues for most of my life - I'm 25 now, my issues started when I was 8 or 9 years old. I spent most of my 'recovery' work in one-on-one settings with mental health professionals - and of course (less helpfully) on my own. The peer group experiences I got were mostly pretty bad. Maybe that's because the groups I attended focused on eating disorders and girls with EDs get competitive way very quickly. When I started listening to the MIHH-podcast half a year ago, I was really skeptical regarding all the support group talk. But having listened to more than 100 episodes, I feel I am so ready to "find my tribe" and not have to deal with the addiction and depression entirely on my own. The bad news is: COVID makes it really hard for me to find a support group. There is one called 'Overeaters Anonymous' which offers online meetings, but my apartment is so small, my boyfriend might hear every word I'm saying, even if I shut the door to the other room.

So basically I'm looking for a community - online or in real life, international or Austrian-based - to get some help battling my eating disorder and depression during the pandemic. The podcast does help a lot but I feel like I might actually need people to open up to about the trauma as well as the day-to-day stuff. I've been struggling with disordered eating for so long, I can't even picture that I might ever live without it. But hearing your stories in all those surveys has given me hope that I'm not alone, so I am reaching out.

I'd love to get some advice on where to look for help/community! Thanks so much in advance!

Louisa

[oak]

Welcome!

Yes, these are difficult times for all of us. It sounds like you are on the right track, and are doing everything right.

One suggestion to consider: feel free to post in this forum, to the extent you feel comfortable about anything, including ED. A good place to start is "How I'm Feeling Right Now". (This can easily be found if you search by "active topics" in the upper left.)

Hang in there!

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Louisa! Welcome to our little forum! Make yourself at home in the threads and topics here.

Found this on podcasts on Disordered Eating: https://www.emilyprogram.com/blog/our-f ... -podcasts/

The bad news is: COVID makes it really hard for me to find a support group. There is one called 'Overeaters Anonymous' which offers online meetings, but my apartment is so small, my boyfriend might hear every word I'm saying, even if I shut the door to the other room.

This stupid COVID really messes up everything. I am sorry about your difficult situation.

I wish I knew more about ED to help. All I know is that I often use food to manage my mood. After a fight with my wife, it is the first thing I reach for, because it is a guaranteed fix, with all the negative consequences in the future. But man, those negative consequences build up. I am very overweight, which is unhealthy for my liver and very hard on my knees.

Please take care, all the best, keep the lines of communication open.

[louisa]

Welcome!

Yes, these are difficult times for all of us. It sounds like you are on the right track, and are doing everything right.

One suggestion to consider: feel free to post in this forum, to the extent you feel comfortable about anything, including ED. A good place to start is "How I'm Feeling Right Now". (This can easily be found if you search by "active topics" in the upper left.)

Hang in there!

Thank you so much for your reply! It's lovely to know that there actually are people out there listening. I'll check out the other topics right away!

[louisa]

Hello Louisa! Welcome to our little forum! Make yourself at home in the threads and topics here.

Found this on podcasts on Disordered Eating: https://www.emilyprogram.com/blog/our-f ... -podcasts/

The bad news is: COVID makes it really hard for me to find a support group. There is one called 'Overeaters Anonymous' which offers online meetings, but my apartment is so small, my boyfriend might hear every word I'm saying, even if I shut the door to the other room.

This stupid COVID really messes up everything. I am sorry about your difficult situation.

I wish I knew more about ED to help. All I know is that I often use food to manage my mood. After a fight with my wife, it is the first thing I reach for, because it is a guaranteed fix, with all the negative consequences in the future. But man, those negative consequences build up. I am very overweight, which is unhealthy for my liver and very hard on my knees.

Please take care, all the best, keep the lines of communication open.

Thanks so much for responding to my post so quickly! I have tried to find podcasts that focus on eating disorders before, but somehow I also wind up listening to the MIHH instead. Even though I may not be able to relate specifically to the stuff guests and listeners (and Paul) are sharing, I just really love the authenticity and humour of it. But the link you sent seems to include several resources - so I'll definitely check them out, thank you!

I can definitely relate to what you wrote about emotional eating. I sometimes wonder if there even is 'normal' eating since almost everyone seems to struggle with it from time to time. I just wish we could treat our bodies more kindly as a society.

Anyways, thanks again for your reply, it was so comforting to see people responding to my post!

[snoringdog]

Hello Louisa,

Welcome! I heard your survey the other day, and thought "Austria - that sounds exotic!"

I don't have any group suggestions, but have you done a search using "Eating Disorders" or similar on the Podcasts page? A very quick check listed a couple of podcasts from 2015 - Samantha Finkelstein and Kati Morton...

I understand about thin walls and being self conscious - do you think you could ask your boyfriend to somehow schedule some private time if/when you find an online session? I imagine he'd be supportive, no?
(People request privacy for phone calls all the time).

Hope you find some online help while we get the upper hand on this damn Covid thing.

Be well.

Snoringdog

[remarks]

Welcome, Louisa!

Food issues have plagued me since I was in first grade or so. I feel like I will always see myself as a failure if I can't have a healthy-looking body. No matter what else I accomplish in this life, none of it will matter if I'm still greatly overweight. I know this is my brain screwing with me, but it's honestly how I feel.

[louisa]

I understand about thin walls and being self conscious - do you think you could ask your boyfriend to somehow schedule some private time if/when you find an online session? I imagine he'd be supportive, no?
(People request privacy for phone calls all the time).

Thank you for your message, snoringdog! It's amazing how the addict mind self sabotages: I actually never before considered that I could ask my boyfriend to take a walk while I attend an online group meeting. I guess I have so much shame about it - asking him to go out of his way to accomodate my issues. But now that you suggested it... You're right! There is no way he would not try to make it work. I have spoken to him before about how hard it is to have all these issues on my mind without having someone to talk to who can relate.

Thank you so much for your suggestion and making me look at it from another angle. I think I need to remind myself more often that recovery won't work as long as I don't see my ED as an illness that I deserve to get treatment/help for. It's so shameful to me and I've always felt like I deserve to struggle with it until I have finally become 'strong' enough to beat the ED. Anyways, what I meant to say is: your message really helped me!

[louisa]

Welcome, Louisa!

Food issues have plagued me since I was in first grade or so. I feel like I will always see myself as a failure if I can't have a healthy-looking body. No matter what else I accomplish in this life, none of it will matter if I'm still greatly overweight. I know this is my brain screwing with me, but it's honestly how I feel.

Hi remarks! I can't tell you how much I can relate to what you've written - even though I'm currently not overweight. It feels like my life will remain to be on pause and nothing I do will ever really matter until I'm 'thin enough'. I have done enough work on myself to get really sad about that. It goes entirely against my moral code to prioritise appearance and it's such a waste to spend precious time worrying about something irrelevant such as looks. But I have never felt or thought differently. It's like I've been brain-washed and I can break the spell.

[remarks]

I so get it, Louisa. We shouldn't care what others think about us. We shouldn't focus on our physical bodies. ...but we do! And it's hard to turn that off!

I grew up with a mother who would often say out loud, "I'm fat and no one will ever love me." That kind of thing sinks in when you're a child and have to hear it all the time. I've been married for over 10 years now and have put on about 80 pounds. Even though I know my wife loves me for who I am, I still hear my mom saying that in my head.