My 2023: Sat to Sat bookends and journal.

[oak]

January 11 edit:

Hi friends.

I've edited to be more succinct:

I'd like to post, Saturdays to Saturdays, about how I go about implementing my 2023 goals, the main ones of which are:

1. Make a career change late in the first half of the year.

2. Spend more time around feminine energy.

I'll post updates each Saturday about plans for the next week, and how the previous one went.

[rivergirl]

Thank you for the privilege of reading your worthy goals and bookends, Oak.

Anything you want to share is welcome, and anything you don't want to share is okay too.

You have my unwavering support.

rg

[Mental Fairy]

Agree with Rivergirl here my friend.

Break things down so not so overwhelming. Little changes make bigger changes.

I come up with breaking the year into quarters, the first quarter I’m going to focus on mindfulness and fitness. Second one I will focus on my work life balance and incorporate the findings of the first quarter. The third quarter I want to focus on new challenges and doing something new each month that I haven’t done before. And the final quarter I wish to focus on planning our end of trip and reward.

[oak]

You have my unwavering support.

Thank you, RiverGirl! I need all the support I can get. I'm so glad to have you on this journey!

Break things down so not so overwhelming. Little changes make bigger changes.
I come up with breaking the year into quarters...

Word, Mental Fairy. I've thought of your advice here several times a day, every day.

Something of a breakdown: not huge, but couldn't hide it

Friends, I chose to take a personal day today.

In addition to recognizing that I messed up my job (probably fixable with time on task), last night after a long hellish day, an unbalanced neighbor verbally harassed me.

Seriously, I am sick of these muttering-type people threatening me. I always walk away, but it is traumatic. This is the third time in the last two years I've been muttered-threated at. I can't co-sign their troubles. I have enough of my own.

A bookend-ception

A bookend within a bookend, I am going to have a frank discussion, aka a "Dutch Uncle talk" with my (supportive!) boss this time tomorrow (Thursday afternoon). He and my grandboss are such good guys.

Within the regular Saturday-Saturday bookend, I'll inception a Wednesday-Thursday bookend.

The Plan going forward

1. I am taking time off.

2. I am having a frank conversation with my boss about managing expectations as I get back on track at work.

3. I had a good/frank talk with my apartment complex manager. I have dashcam footage, but not phone footage, of the mess last night. I'll record future interactions with this person. (I am so sick of the muttering.)

4. I have an appointment with my doctor next week to discuss Seasonal Affective Disorder. I also have my dear lightbox in my office.

5. I had a good/frank discussion with my dietician today about effecting meal prep to avoid HALT.

(HALT is up there, with causing evil for me, with "secondary gain" and "cope".)

6. After the holidays/winter storm/root canal, I am getting back to group exercise classes.

Happy note to finish: I think someone in my kettlebell class has noticed me! This person always manages to return their weights right in front of me, when they aren't "stretching" in front of me after class. When they see me going to get a disinfectant wipe they'll suddenly hurry to go before me.

So my life is mostly grim, but has moments of fun and joy.

Edit to add:

https://youtu.be/Nu3Y4f9dDbE

Ms. Deschanel exaggerates, but not by much, of what my friend does in class. Very charming. And that 2a hair: [dreamy sigh].

Also, like the brother in this video, in 2023 let’s much more often get me (1) wearing sport coats with ties and (2) in coffee shops.

For real.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak

Take the time you need to process things. Use your new found tools to progress forward.

As for the neighbour, take records and deflect the muttering. I would say kill them with kindness but it doesn't sound like that kind of situation. let us know how you get on with your doctor. I keep meaning to ask you how your sleep is going? CPAP? This morning i was jumping in the shower and it occurred to me that i hadn't asked in a while. I wrote on the glass (ask oak about sleep) in soap so i didn't forget. Matt just text me at work and said i left a note on the shower door!!! I do stuff like that a lot.

Kettlebell class sounds interesting!!!!! Keep us updated. It sounds so sweet!

Take care my friend, will be thinking of you. Its Thursday morning here and i am aware you are no dough asleep currently!

[oak]

Brief update about troubled previous week: work and brain fog
Frank assessment of difficult realities
Increasing vigor and fight to face those difficult realities
Is food love? (Experiment 753)
Reply to our good friend Mental Fairy
Limiting expectations for coming week
That said, I'm doing okay

Brief update about troubled previous week: work and brain fog

Friends! After being verbally harassed Tuesday, I've had something of a trauma-hangover: I am not myself and have brain fog (which may be related to a sleep apnea relapse, below).

My coworkers were troubled: in addition to taking two days off, my grandboss (who is a great person) called me to check up on me. I'm making dumb mistakes at work: no stakes and easily correctable, but I need to look at my sleep and eating habits. I am on the wrong path, but hopefully not too far down it.

My goal for this Saturday (today) and next is: make it to through the week so I can watch NFL playoffs.

Frank assessment of difficult realities

I'm planning to discuss, with my counselor Monday, the difficult realities that (1) there are troubled people out there starting trouble and (2) as a human I am subject to physical and mental decline, and eventually death.

Increasing vigor and fight to face those difficult realities

The flip side of recognizing these truths is that they inspire me to act so I can mitigate and delay them. I have much to live for, and today is a good day to start.

Is food love? (Experiment 753)

Lab partners, the first 752 times I conducted this experiment, I found that food is not love. Perhaps experiment 753 will yield different results. Maybe these are the French crullers that will fill the hole in my soul.

Reply to our good friend Mental Fairy

I keep meaning to ask you how your sleep is going? CPAP? This morning i was jumping in the shower and it occurred to me that i hadn't asked in a while. I wrote on the glass (ask oak about sleep) in soap so i didn't forget. Matt just text me at work and said i left a note on the shower door!!! I do stuff like that a lot.

Hi Mental Fairy!

Frankly, the CPAP has been a bit of a bust.

I've done my best with it, but I am betting my life (and mind and well-being) that my sleep apnea is 1:1 related to my weight, which has plateaued.

I have reason to believe my sleep apnea has returned, but I don't have a clear plan to address it.

Much as I wanted the CPAP to work, I'm thinking (1) sleep hygiene and (2) safe weight loss are my next steps. I may try another mask or two for the CPAP, but this experiment is winding down to an unsatisfactory conclusion.

Also, Mental Fairy, I am gratified you mentioned soap:

Since I got sober, I came to appreciate the basics of life, including wonderful soap.

I love all soaps, including many from the dollar store. If you can, in honor of me, try Pear's sometime.

Ivory, Dial, Safeguard, Irish Spring: they're all good. Soap is one of the joys of life.

Limiting expectations for coming week

I am meeting with my mental health counselor Monday (traumatic experience last week) and doctor Tuesday (brain fog and seasonal affective disorder.

My only goal, problematic as it is, is to hold on until the NFL playoffs next Saturday.

I also want to clean my apartment and make a bit healthier nutrition choices.

That said, I'm doing okay

Even as I type this, I'm not sure it is true. Trauma is such an exhausting experience.

So!

I'll get some help this week, post mid-week about some movies that have inspired me, and post again next Saturday.


Edit to add:

While typing this, I scheduled an appointment with my amazing sleep apnea specialist. Though the first available was over two months from now, I asked to be included on the "contact me if someone cancels" list.

[Mental Fairy]

Hey Oak,

You do inspire me. When the feeling of being defeated, knocked down and traumatised gets to you, you step up. You make a plan, you kick it in the ….. let’s say teeth!

Alas the CPAP machine, maybe try a different mask. Dust off the brain a little and reset. It’s been a hard few days.

With the weight, it may have slowly down however don’t let that determine the end. It’s about the balance of calories going in and the burning of the energy. Also keep in mind this is not the end of the weight loss journey, there will be more to come, it’s all about balance.

Check in with therapist, talk to the doctors. Make sure your bloods are all up to date and cholesterol’s are good.

Take the little joys each day, a nice smell, an inspirational image a memory of positive people and encouragement.
Your shoulders might be hunched over and your mood mind be down my friend, but we got your back.

We are here.