Oak’s midlife crisis and the Anna Karenina principle.

[oak]

What does it feel like to be you, your inner most you?

Thank you, Mental Fairy, for your excellent post.

A. I am earthy, homey man. My four favorite things:

1. Women
2. Food
3. Work
4. Movement

B. To put the above in practical terms:

I have a persistent urge to visualize/daydream about going on a second date with a specific beautiful woman in a specific restaurant in a specific town not far from my undergraduate university.

That is the most wholly “Oak”.

In this daydream I can afford (through work) to attract (through movement eg kettlebell) an attractive woman (the feminine) to a second date, at a restaurant (food).

I could die thirty seconds afterwards, and my life would have full meaning. I would die with a smile on my face.

Does this help answer your question, Mental Fairy?

Edit to add:

If heaven exists, I want to live in a quiet orchard. I want to have a Yorkie dog, a nice wife, and neighbors I can see when I want. But otherwise I want to be alone with my thoughts and watch nature.

Said another way:

I think I was born too late: I’d prefer to live an ancient pastoral life. Much like my concept of heaven above, woman/food/dog/nature/quiet.

Not this modern, industrial life.

That is what I mean by “homey” and “humble”. A simple life of the senses.

[oak]

Friends, I hope you are each having a good weekend.

This weekend, which I’ll post about tomorrow, I am focusing, in slow-key way, on the following:

Oak’s new, vigorous life.

Or,

My vigorous life, which is a new sort of life, at 46.

Or,

What is the vigorous life?

[Mental Fairy]

Good post oak, you can only be vigorous for so long, you need to allow calm and balance in. Being active, mindful and continuous learning about yourself and the things you love.

Cheering for you my friend

[oak]

Cheering for you my friend

Thank you, Mental Fairy. Great to hear from you. I hope you're doing well.

I went swing dancing
This [gestures to all this] is definitely a midlife crisis. Which is good.
Inching away from the moral abyss, Following my bliss, and concluding with a happy coda

I went swing dancing

Last night, after months of grimness and just surviving, I went swing dancing and had a great time.

Non-sarcastic updates:

[*]I don't smell! (Women danced with me)

[*]I dance well (one young lady said that dancing with me was "awesome")

[*]I am a little less touch-starved!

This [gestures to all this] is definitely a midlife crisis. Which is good.

Last night, driving home, I realized that it may be good and salutatory and my spiritual journey to simultaneously (1) lower my expectations for career, finances, and romance while at the same time (2) definitely trying to improve all of the above where I can.

This is all straight up, pure, undiluted midlife crisis, as so well-described by Erikson and Robert Bly.

What can I live with, regarding finances/career/romance/family/community if nothing changes?

What can't I continue to live with?

(Answer: sleep apnea, my current income, and lack of dating.)

Inching away from the moral abyss, Following my bliss, and concluding with a happy coda

“When you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.” ― Friedrich Nietzsche.

I fully acknowledge that I have shadow work to do, and that a midlife crisis is exactly that: some men don't survive theirs.

That said, sometimes it is time to say to oneself: "It is a Sunday afternoon, and I have a roast in the slow cooker, scalloped potatoes, and video games. The abyss can wait for another day. That's where I am now.

As promised, a happy coda:

Two women, unprompted, told me this week that I "look great!".

After trying many fitness classes, and appreciating them all!, I've found something that resonates with me: barre.

I'm going to follow my bliss. Shadow work is the other side of the same coin as following one's bliss.

[rivergirl]

I love that you went swing dancing again, Oak. Movement + a little romance!

I also love this:

If heaven exists, I want to live in a quiet orchard. I want to have a Yorkie dog, a nice wife, and neighbors I can see when I want. But otherwise I want to be alone with my thoughts and watch nature.

Said another way:

I think I was born too late: I’d prefer to live an ancient pastoral life. Much like my concept of heaven above, woman/food/dog/nature/quiet.

Not this modern, industrial life.

That is what I mean by “homey” and “humble”. A simple life of the senses.

There's a lot to be said for living closer to nature. In Oregon I was close to wilderness areas where I could hike and kayak, but also living in the midst of pear, peach, and grape orchards and wineries. I worked for a fruit company between graduate school and my first professional job, and grew my own vegetable and flower gardens.

I can see you with your wife and your Yorkie, enjoying the seasons and the peace and quiet, cooking freshly grown food, and perhaps attending the occasional local swing dance. Humble but wonderful dreams.

[oak]

I can see you with your wife and your Yorkie, enjoying the seasons and the peace and quiet, cooking freshly grown food, and perhaps attending the occasional local swing dance. Humble but wonderful dreams.

Thank you, RiverGirl! I hope you also find a happy life.

Friends, I just found out, after ten years on the forum, that we can edit thread titles.

While I guess I care about "examining my identity as a modern American man", I'm more concerned with "right living"; perhaps better said as the Anna Karenina Principle.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anna_Karenina_principle

There is a certain way (perhaps like "dao/do", which I can't get into today) to be a modern American man.

This thread is my exploration of that.

There is a way to be a man. I am learning. I've lost my way, hence the midlife crisis, but I can find my way back.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Today's topic about my midlife crisis: I've come, in my middle years, to appreciate funky beats.

Perhaps this relates to my evolving cultural palate: as an adult I've grown not only to appreciate things such as umami and shishitos, but finding joy in what I missed the first time around: some funky beats.

Anyway, here are some beats!

George Clinton "Atomic Dog" (1982)
https://youtu.be/LuyS9M8T03A

Nu Shooz "I Can't Wait" (1986)
https://youtu.be/UJ1tBVtYOBc

Tom Tom Club "Genius of Love" (1982(
https://youtu.be/aCWCF19nUhA

Sananda Maitreya (formerly Terrence Trent D'arby) "Wishing Well" (1988)
https://youtu.be/ynIHsHYaig0

Duffy "Mercy" (2007)
https://youtu.be/y7ZEVA5dy-Y

Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam "Head to Toe" (1986)
https://youtu.be/51Iq8JmmfxY

[rivergirl]

Thanks for sharing the songs, Oak. Really takes me back to my 20's, especially Tom Tom Club and Lisa Lisa.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Now, three months later, I can look back at my midlife crisis with some perspective.

It was hell, and probably necessary.

It has given me a new lease on life.

I am taking actions that feel totally natural, as if I am one with The Flow.