Back pain, ennui, and a London broil.

[oak]

Hi friends.

My week gave me few reasons to smile.

I'm not even sure what "fun" or "romance" would look like for me. These things are for other people.

Back pain

I strained my back muscles last weekend by not warming up. Everything about my back pain itself sucks, and I wish it hadn't happened.

That said, the secondary outcomes from this back pain were good:

1. I realized that as part of nature it is natural for my body to decline and someday die. I am not estranged from nature: I am a very part of it.
2. That I can go to barre, at age 46, is wonderful! That I have any mobility is great. Like the 80s metal song said, you don't know what you got 'til its gone.
3. I'm feeling better and hope to go to barre tomorrow (Sunday). I'll go with a newfound sense of gratitude.

Melancholy/ennui

I am scared to think/admit that I have many good reasons to be sad and anxious. I also have much to be grateful for. Maybe both can be true at the same time.

I am also scared to get my hopes up: what would a fun summer look like? A meaningful summer?

London broil

There is a time for everything, including a "no bones" day, weekend, or even month.

https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/bones-day-or-no-bones-day

I made some good choices this past, lonely and sad as it was.

This is what makes sense to me:

My only goals this weekend are to enjoy the London broil nearing completion in the slow cooker, shower/shave, and try barre tomorrow.

Humble pursuits are a life I find meaning in.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Oak

I sense come reflection on ones self is taking hold? I hope your weekend went well.

[oak]

I sense come reflection on ones self is taking hold? I hope your weekend went well.

Well said, Mental Fairy: I think my body used the back pain, and later a 24-hour virus, to force me to slow down. A midlife crisis, which is a fluid and dynamic ongoing thing, cannot be ignored.

You'll be glad to hear that barre, the roast, and the au gratin potatoes all went well.

I was craving red meat all weekend.

[Mental Fairy]

Yay, there is a positive to a negative.

I understand the force to be slowed down feeling. Been on that ride for a couple of years and it’s confronting as ever. But helping us in the long run.

You are far more braver than me oak as far as the barre goes.