Mindfulness

[oak]

Beany Boo, I am sorry to hear you had a panic attack. They are hell.

I am glad you got it all out. Keep us posted.

[Mental Fairy]

You are so awesome to actually acknowledge what has happened, many would try and hide it and feel weak. You are the opposite.

[Beany Boo]

Thank you everyone

[manuel_moe_g]

Please take care, Beany

I hope you are being self-loving and self-compassionate - my friend Beany deserves the best

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MM

[Beany Boo]

It took three days but I think I have recovered. The danger was in overreacting to the ‘volatile’ sensory data and uncertain information that was being delivered.

I managed not to overreact but it was a vigorous struggle.

I also said ‘I’ve had enough’, to myself on multiple occasions, which when time just right, worked to stop me overreaching.

I picked up this Japanese concept recently and it has come back to me now. Omotenashi. ‘Kindness in the face of all resistance’ is sort of how I understand it. I think my understanding was being tested these last few days. Hopefully it worked.

[Mental Fairy]

Quick question beany

Do you find your react differently at didn’t parts of the day, for example afternoon and evening your tolerance levels slightly drops as each hour passes?

Also, do you find once one thing causes an overreaction then the rest of the day your reactions feed off the first overreaction?

[Beany Boo]

Thanks MF

Yes, it’s not easy.

[Beany Boo]

Emergency dental care, flu, humiliation at work, house inspection; today was the worst day in a while.

Then I said to myself as it seemed to get completely unbearable, ‘I’m having a big day. I may need to let a few things go through.’

It didn’t do a lot but in hindsight it seems heroic.

Then I went to the Japanese take-out after work and ordered using some Japanese words.

What seemed like an impossible day has begun to turn the corner.

[Beany Boo]

And today, I have Covid

My first time.

I have moments where the sky is falling down.

My brain could easily correspond and cancel multiple appointments. But I couldn’t write a shopping list. Too foggy

I thought I was going to starve.

My mother suggested groceries to buy. Crisis averted.

I had some work issues that would be impacted by not having a working brain for several days. My sister helped me write down resolutions to the issues that I could put on the fridge. If the rumination becomes too much I can read them and hopefully let go.

Everyday feels unwieldy but at the same I’m finding responses to make.