Goal setting and nihilism: Friday through Monday.

[oak]

Hi friends.

Two thoughts I'd like to get out of my head, both closely related. The first is a sort of bookend, and the second is a difficult truth I can barely admit to myself.

Goal setting: meeting with mental health counselor on Monday
My struggles with nihilism.

Goal setting: meeting with mental health counselor on Monday

I live my life, paraphrasing Frankl, that when I have a strong enough "why", then generally "how" will fix itself.

On July 4, I realized my 2023 goals had a clear "how", but I wasn't effecting any action.

Later that day my subconscious generously gave me a "why".

In the ten days since I am happily working on revamping my 2023-2024 goals.

In addition to the Udemy courses and online mind maps, I am meeting with mental health counselor on Monday to discuss this further.

My struggles with nihilism

Inspired by a post by our friend Troebia, I got to thinking about how I'd love to give into nihilism:

I'd love to not work, eat fried chicken and pop all day, play video games constantly, and never leave the house. Not only do I want to be this person, I admire the courage of the men who check out of society and live for themselves. Is it wise, long-term? No. But at least they have the courage of their convictions.

[Edit to add: google “South Park world of Warcraft guy” for clear suggestion of what the stereotype looks like.]

https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BasementDweller

Yet, all of the goals I am working on (see above) are the exact opposite of such nihilism.

Something meta I'm getting at: my mind and heart want to be 600 pounds, eating whatever I want. The goals I'm working on include persisting with barre and pickleball, and trying bouldering and building my professional skills.

There is this tug of war between who I want to be, and who I'm tempted to be.

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

Tangential question triggered by your post. Wondering if you've seen the film "The Whale"?

I'm planning to watch it this weekend.
It's from a play which the author explains is partly autobiographical. He was brought up in some sort of religious environment and had struggles with food addiction and weight.

Trailer looks good. An emotional drama, well-acted.

[oak]

SnoringDog, great to hear from you.

Let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy it. If you can recommend it, I’ll give it a try next weekend.

[manuel_moe_g]

Yes, I am having terrible problems with social media being a time-suck

when a gap opens between stimulus and response, and i can make a choice to act more in line with my highest goals, i imagine putting the younger version of myself in a darkened room with a hammock bed and let him just relax in there, without shame, and continue to play with social media scrolling on the smartphone. I let him know that the grown-up version of myself will take the action that aligned with my highest goals and values, and that he can just be a child.

because, growing up, there was always judgement, from both my parents and from inside my mind, and i want the younger version of myself to be free from all that harmful judgement

[oak]

Thanks to SnoringDog
Thanks to Manuel Moe
Hanging on until Monday: I have a reason to live

Thanks to SnoringDog

Wondering if you've seen the film "The Whale"?

Because of your kind post here, SnoringDog, I immediately found it on a dodgy YouTube ripoff, and I was immediately moved by that harrowing first scene on th couch.

Specifically, I was immediately moved to decide to:

* Effect a whole-foods, and (mostly) plant-based diet.
* Clean my apartment
* Shower, shave, and wear clean clothes.
* Continue to exercise.
* Own, rather than repress, my sexuality.

I most certainly do not want to be 600 pounds, contrary to what I wrote above yesterday.

Thank you for the recommendation, SnoringDog. Much like his other film, Requiem for a Dream, it was a lot. It is an unsparing look at so many important topics.

Thanks to Manuel Moe

Yes, I am having terrible problems with social media being a time-suck

I make no secret that I've spent four hours a day (!) on Reddit for five years. This is insane. I want to do better.

I hope you find some healing and growth vis a vis social media, Manuel Moe. We'll stick together.

Hanging on until Monday: I have a reason to live

Well, I have many reasons to live, and one big reason to live.

I may not accomplish anything else this weekend, as far as defining or pursuing my goals. I'm just hanging on until Monday.

Thanks for listening!

[snoringdog]

Hello Oak,

I saw it last night and was a little concerned about my recommendation, since it is so graphic in the depiction of his weight and his various physical and emotional struggles.

But the care taken by the writer and director to show his humanity, his relationships, and to explore the motivations of the characters is what makes it so engrossing.

Much like his other film, Requiem for a Dream, it was a lot. It is an unsparing look at so many important topics.

Yes. But this one had more emotional nuance I think and being based on, and filmed more as a play, it had an uplift to it even though he dies at the end.
(It's been so long since I saw Requiem, but I remember it a being truly dark and depressing).

FYI - I noticed this group in the credits and just looked it up -
https://www.obesityaction.org/the-whale/
Interesting notes.

Wishing you the best!

[oak]

Friends, I made it to Monday, and my session is in two hours.

My psyche, ever generous and demanding and exacting as it, has given me a new "why".

Like all people I face some really difficult, serious, chronic problems.

I also have a certain lightness, a happiness, and (dare I say) joy. Joie de voir, if not quite a je ne sais quoi.

All of this is more scary-terrfying- than I can express here. I have real anxiety when facing who I am/who I could be.

I'll bookend after the session.

I saw it last night and was a little concerned about my recommendation, since it is so graphic in the depiction of his weight and his various physical and emotional struggles.

Well said, good friend SnoringDog.

This is just me, but afterwards I considered that this movie is about many things: trauma, estrangement, father, poverty, unfulfilling work, repressed desire, religion.

I thought to myself: "This is not a movie about obesity."

(Spoilers ahead)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MacGuffin

While the ostensible Maguffin was the Moby Dick essay, for me the Maguffin was his obesity.

He couldn't hide his flaws and choices and the outcomes of his trauma. That is what I identify with.

[oak]

Friends!

The session went well: I got it all out. Now I can begin to effect these desired and needed changes.

All's well that ends well.

Thanks for listening my dear friends!