Mindfulness

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

I feel my struggles are now slightly similar to the people around me. That relief cannot be measured. It’s the PTSD study I think.

It’s midafternoon. I sort of don’t know how I landed it today.

I think the evening belongs to me.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up well and inexplicably motivated. For what? Not sure.

Today I will be practicing empathy. Practicing like a child on a bike with trainer wheels.

I can do it well when I feel like it but not as a work-skill. I also feel resentful. As if I’m not already giving up enough, I have to do this emotional labor as well?

‘Do less’

I felt like I was given a gift yesterday with that new understanding of the anger.

I’ll see what midafternoon reveals.

[Beany Boo]

Woke up running a little, partly curious, partly in a hurry. Mentally steady.

Yesterday went well and it felt like I had something to do with it.

‘Do less’ had a lot to do with it. And attributing anger to my not understanding.

There’s some substance to today. Something seems possible. Even negative eventualities promise opportunity.

I’m just going to read the air, as the Japanese say.

I found a great module on to do lists. It said no more than 5 items (which means choose with care) and only work off today’s list.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well.

It was a day that even 3 months ago would’ve left me seething. Now it was just very unclear.

But there were also opportunities everywhere. At midafternoon I twisted out of a sticky situation with a flourish that surprised even me.

I did a to do list, one for today only, with 5 items on it and it worked again!

I also asked a new question. It felt new in my mouth. And the answer the person gave was new.

I seem to be doing a bunch of beginner techniques that together are producing an effect like a ‘new life’.

Very strange.

[manuel_moe_g]

Howdy Beany

“””I seem to be doing a bunch of beginner techniques that together are producing an effect like a ‘new life’.“””

I am in same boat. I hand write a 3x5 card every morning with things to help me during day, write a little to-do list on back of card

It works, but not perfectly (of course)

I have to overcome my old habit of quitting things that are not working perfectly

[Beany Boo]

Thank you MM

[Beany Boo]

Woke up discombobulated, but mentally content. Rather than flee into alertness, I let the discombobulating taper gently across the morning.

I had a conflict yesterday morning. It overwhelmed me, though I couldn’t say if anyone else noticed or was affected. I did a CBT exercise in the evening to make an account of the depth of feelings. It seems to have worked this morning.

While yesterday evening was rough it wasn’t the usual brutality I put myself through. I think processing during the day as, ‘I feel angry because I don’t understand what is happening’, leaves much less to do by evening.

I did well. It had been a relatively long stretch between disrupted evenings. And this one was different; less incandescent.

I found another handy idea to couple with ‘situated freedom’. ‘Creative Confidence’. It’s not artistic per se. It’s from the Stanford Design School. It’s the capacity to stay open to unclear problems, particularly in a group situation, with empathy and curiosity.

I’m going to limit myself to small tasks today. I feel like small ones might bring me the world if I’m gentle.

I’ll sit still and let it find me.

[Beany Boo]

Today went well

I was sick for most of it but mentally stable.

I stuck to little tasks and happily that was enough.

There was space to be aware of a depth of emotion and to just let that air.

Despite the sickness and the little tasks, there was an unexpected motivated-ness. I didn’t direct it anywhere. I just felt very ready without urgency.

Maybe if I am feeling better tomorrow I can take advantage of it.

Maybe I’ll be ready to show empathy come the beginning of next week. I was reflecting on how newly responsive a few people became, after I happen to show newfound empathy to them last week.

Still, it’s not time for that just yet.

[Beany Boo]

Got plenty of sleep but still woke up struggling.

Mentally fine.

I’m just going to spend the day imagining doing nothing has productive effects.

[Beany Boo]

I suffered through today. The cough is getting tedious.

I had to remind myself to rest.

I was surprised how much people seemed to be at ease with my humorless sick self.

I quite like him as well.

The PTSD study took another turn for the better this evening. I seem to be at a point where the primary events have lost the animus that previously had a grip on me in the present. My sentences about it are making a new level of sense. It is very comforting.

I’m determined to display empathy this week. I want to work on it and two other complimentary abilities. Any more than that is too complex. I think if I can develop 3 interpersonal skills that then reinforce each other that might develop into more complex activities that others experience as support or ‘room to affect’.

The rewards from last week are incentive to find out.