Troebia's Diary

[Mental Fairy]

Wow she’s go to her own apartment in city. Great. I clapped when I read this. Even I’m happy she’s gone for a couple of weeks and I’m not even there.

How have things been since? Dying to know.

As for the previous comments on calling our partners by nicknames, guilt of this sometimes. Joe calls me all sorts of nice things especially via text and when he has done something! I struggle with it at times, especially when I’m called beautiful, cutie, kind etc. I don’t know why.

[troebia]

How have things been since? Dying to know.

For now, just one very telling snapshot: this afternoon I walked in on daughter and wife doing yoga in the living room. The physical and mental space seems temporarily reclaimed.

[Mental Fairy]

Oh I love that. It goes to show how one person can drain energy from a home and the people in it. Reclaiming the space is beautiful.

[snoringdog]

Hello Troebia,

Curious as to why, if MIL has her own place, that she seems to have moved in long term?
Isn't it possible to make some sort of schedule? Divide her time between the two places?

And the sighs, moans and groans, is it worth it to explore why your wife was doing that? (Maybe a small sympathetic gesture, as a probe). Or might it just lead to an argument or something?

(Full Disclosure - My normal response to such things is often to either withdraw or to react in a negative way, neither of which is conducive to an adult and constructive and positive exchange...)

[Mental Fairy]

I would pass her an asthmatic inhaler and offer to drive her to a doctor.

[troebia]

SD, sorry for my syntax cockup: the groans etc always come from MIL (not my wife) and I have learnt that there is no possible "constructive" response, only a stone-faced indifference. Now that daughter is spending some time with us, there was some comic relief a couple of days ago as she mimicked her grandma, imitating a giant sigh of hers at the dinner table. Wife and I burst out laughing while MIL chose to sit there acting clueless but probably deeply thwarted. A crack in the mask for us all to see. MIL has to negotiate a delicate balance act between pretending to be in need of constant assistance and actually being such a burden that even my wife will consider a care home as an option. It's really f***ing ugly and and I don't know if I would stoop so low myself in that situation.

I will try again to renegotiate MIL's stays with us, especially as it's now spring and the apartment in the city doesn't need heating. My wife is careful not to comment on any positive effects on herself now that she has more time to her own thoughts and now that any communication at home isn't sucked into a giant black hole. But I can definitely tell she is more relaxed.

[Mental Fairy]

It sounds like reevaluation of MIL could save your marriage and sanity

[troebia]

Small update...things aren't going too well. Wife sleeps a lot so I'm thinking she's exhausted. At this pace, we simply won't have time to "recalibrate" before the subject of bringing MIL back is brought up. There's probably a giant argument coming up because I'm feeling this situation is eroding our relationship. For me, it's not about making choices but to avoid being sucked down underwater again.

[Mental Fairy]

Take this hour by hour, tread carefully!

[troebia]

Take this hour by hour, tread carefully!

Yes, you're so right, but it's very frustrating. My expectations were probably too high and the dry spell just continues. It's like waiting for rain here.

My back and my arms ache after doing physical work yesterday in the grove, and it makes me feel uncomfortably old. My brain is also not capable of helping daughter with some (advanced) app programming, although I'd very much like to. I had a look at it but it's too much to take in. I can't do and be everything. If I can reach further with art and grow some veggies, that would feel enough now.

And here I am, thinking about sex. The more I miss it, the more extravagant my fantasies and fetishes become while masturbating...when what I really crave are simply hugs and snuggles. Wife smiled at me today mainly because I was hard at work cutting a tree root that was pulling a stone wall apart. There are only chores for her, one after another and often many at once. A worker bee. Contemplation is for lazy people.