Mind Body and Trauma

[troebia]

It is a 6-8 hour hike from hell!

i pledge to never return to that trail for as long as i am of this mortal world!

Just listen to yourself, why not throw ourselves off a cliff in a kite suit while we're at it. The great thing about mountain trails is that they're always there for us (let's exclude possible future mining projects or wind farms). Adapt to your body condition just like you adapt to the weather. Easier and shorter routes will still take you where only 0.001% of people are prepared to go, the mountain is still yours.

[Mental Fairy]

Oh I hear ya. I am a tad hard on myself.

I was saying to Donya last night that I need to accept this body of mine is not the same. The desire to be in the elements and thrilling moments is there but the body says the opposite.

Time to just accept what is.

How is everyone feeling about Christmas season?

[troebia]

How is everyone feeling about Christmas season?

It used to give me anxiety because of childhood trauma. Then with my daughter it became more bearable and we even baked gingerbread together. Now that she's an adult I simply ignore xmas, which frustrated my wife until she got used to it.

[Mental Fairy]

Hi Lovely Team

Day two after taking a low dose chemotherapy medication. Feeling semi ok but having to fight the headspace a bit. Having little internal tantrums with myself and others but saying nothing. Just bite my tongue and meander onwards.

The big boss came down from Auckland today, always a hoot. We went to my favourite building recycling place that holds treasures from homes taken down or renovated. We got two wash basins and some lovely tongue and groove rimu wood flooring. Making progress at surgery, feel like I’m not achieving however. He took one look at me when he walked in the door and knew I was run down and burnt out. Thankfully we finish up this Friday for the year. I might still come in and do some odd jobs as I do.

There is a documentary on ADHD here in NZ currently and it made me think of you MM. I will see if I can get the link for you.

It’s called ADHD: Not just hyper

I’m going to go home early today and get some cooking done, snuggle in early and just zone out.

The body is feeling out of alignment, the mind is not far behind it.

I keep mentally going back to the spot on the river I fell in last weekend, I laid on a large rock and watched two fantail birds dance around me. I felt so at peace in that moment. It was an absolute mine F*ck to be so tired and exhausted and then to find peace watching a baby fantail and his parent dancing around me looking for food or grubs. Most beautiful birds in NZ. The bonus is I can make their sound of the chirps really well through my braces!

I am currently in the process of successfully burying Christmas under the rug. I have managed to get away with no tree up at work and not a single colourful ball to be seen. Unless some man brings up the topic, then there is a risk of colourful balls. I haven’t brought a single Christmas present this year so far. Not planning to either. I am skipping this one. Last year I had to take the palm of my hand off to get out of it. This year I will do a silent ignorance.

Here’s hoping for a peaceful evening and some sleep.

Kiwi hugs

[snoringdog]

So, I'm trying to follow... You fell in the river, pulled yourself up on a nice rock to lie on and then communed with the fantails? They'd probably never seen such a thing!

[troebia]

I have managed to get away with no tree up at work and not a single colourful ball to be seen.

You are my hero!!!

[Mental Fairy]

At home is a different story. I do have a trio of electric LED Xmas trees but very small! That was only because of Donya’s kids coming over and settling them up with me. Just because there is a tree doesn’t mean anything will go under it other than Mazie!

Hi SD, the river wasn’t high or rough. Just a slippery rock and a tired hiker! Combine the two and you have a recipe for wet pants and bruised ego! The fantails were so beautiful to watch.

Last night I woke Matt up screaming the place down. Apparently I was yelling in my sleep and then started screaming. I can confirm i remember the dream second by second. I was watching myself sleep, I looked away and looked back at myself watching myself. A black mass was over my body in the bed. All of a sudden the room changed, furniture was being moved around and aggressive feeling. I went to scream and that’s when Matt came in and woke me up.

Madness!

[snoringdog]

The dream sounds dreadful, hope you don't have more.

I've started a book "This is why you dream" by a neurosurgeon (Rahul Jandial MD).

At one point he describes neuro-stimulation during surgery that evoked in the patient the sense of someone watching and even interacting with her.

He also describes sleep paralysis that often has this sense of an intruder...

[Mental Fairy]

Absolutely spot on with the sleep paralysis. I was just laying here on the couch after work watching the clouds through the glass door. I was doing that thing kids do, making shapes out of the clouds. Then immediately I thought of this horrible black cloud that filled the bedroom in my dream.

Gives me the chills.

[troebia]

Gives me the chills.

Sounds very creepy indeed. There's nothing like the feeling of waking up in a cold sweat and realising, oh that was "only" a dream...but the anxiety attack is very real.