This feels so weird

[stephany]

I don't know that I have ever written an introduction of myself to anyone before, so this is a first for me.
I found this podcast and the forum in a time when I had just stopped working with yet another therapist. He was a nice guy and really seemed interested but I just can't commit for any long period of time. I seem to have this love/hate relationship with therapy. I love the ability to talk about what's bothering me and then at a certain point I get so tired of hearing my self say the same crap again and again.

Depression and anxiety run in the family so to speak.Mostly this was on my mother's side of the family; manic mother, verbally abusive disabled grandmother and various great aunts that suffered from major bouts of depression. My dad's family was a little too poor to pay attention to how they were feeling. They were pretty much just exhausted. I got diagnosed at 16 when I started coming home from school and sleeping for long periods of time for six months.
I really do put on a good front though. I am so good at hiding my depression and anxiety that even I get fooled occasionally. Anyway, nice to meet everyone and it's good to have a place where pretty much everyone is a dealing with their stuff and no one pretends to be perfect.

[manuel_moe_g]

Hello Stephany

I seem to have this love/hate relationship with therapy. I love the ability to talk about what's bothering me and then at a certain point I get so tired of hearing my self say the same crap again and again.

I don't have great experiences with therapists, but you definitely have the right to come in with a list of specific places where you want to be more capable and you want to grow, and demand your therapist work out a plan for you. If just venting in not enough, you have the right to hold that therapist to a higher standard, and drop them if they are not able to facilitate. This was my big problem: I don't have the patience to find an active sharp therapist. But patience is a problem for me, I wouldn't be surprised if you could find it easy with just a little bit of legwork and time to get a therapist that you feel helps you grow.

Anyway, nice to meet everyone and it's good to have a place where pretty much everyone is a dealing with their stuff and no one pretends to be perfect.

Please take care, all the best, we are all cheering for you!

[admin]

Stephany,
Welcome to the forum. Boy do I know that feeling when all I want to do is sleep, and I don't even feel like putting the energy into getting better. Sometimes we hit walls in therapy and recovery, but it doesn't mean it's a dead end. Sometimes the best stuff is just on the other side of that wall. Whether you continue therapy or not, we're glad you're here.

Paul

[algernon]

Hello Stephany,

Welcome to this place. I like it very much.

I also like to sleep. I'm a trucker and I have a nice comfortable bunk right behind my driver's seat. I sleep any chance I get while keeping my commitments timely. When I'm feeling like coming down with something flu-like or such, I gain against it by sleeping. I nap which is sleeping and sometimes while trucking I'm staged waiting for the action (load or off-load) to begin, I recline my seatback, close my eyes and......doze off, which is sleeping again!

I've been depressed in my life as all human beings have and I have slept for absurdly long periods as a response. I think when one's obligations (including those obligations to yourself) get displaced by excessive sleeping, that will define a dysfunction and it wont be long before dire consequences arrive. This is trouble we avoid by getting up from sleep and meeting our obligations. When one understands through education that RATIONAL THINKING gives us the answers in OUR BEST INTEREST, we know what to do. Of course, even then some people don't respond properly knowing perfectly well what to do in their best interest........and that's where, I think, the great Albert Ellis spoke of effort and hard work to achieve improved mental health. It's actually a valiant fight with ups and downs but with a real hopefulness if one perseveres.

But I think sleep is a wonderful self-honoring activity.......the rest that delivers a rest. As cruel as the human condition catalogue can be, consider those that cannot sleep, cannot fall into blissful oblivion to dance in whispy fields with the strange and the wonderful......

I remember a dream......years ago.....a perfect dream where I'm asleep and laughing out loud in bed! Simply put I'm in a park riding a bicycle down a paved inclined walkway so I'm going fast on EASY peddling, leafy trees on both sides of this arrow straight path humming away on the bike and this SKUNK is running up next to me on my right......well, as the skunk running hard to get next to me goes to RAISE his ass-leg to give me his SPRAY.....HE LOSES HIS SPEED AND FALLS BEHIND!!! Again he starts running hard to catch me and this goes on and on and on the same way each time and I'm I'm laughing and laughing out loud in bed in my dream sleep every time he reaches me, tries to SPRAY ME and CANT!!!......just as I'm laughing now!!! I don't know how it ended but I never got sprayed!!!

I hope that sleep now means good things for you Stephany, even long sleeps, and that you awake with enough time to meet your needs in a harried, unfair world that should sleep more itself.

[manuel_moe_g]

Yeah, excess sleep can be worrisome with depression. So it is interesting to read about the experiences of Stephany and algernon.

My wife has a motor like algernon's diesel truck. When something bad happens to my wife, that might make another person depressed, my wife's energy level and productivity and sharpness go into a higher gear. For me, I get frustrated and irritated and foggy and very tired. My wife is very upset with me when I nap during the day. I use sleep, many times, to self-soothe and to manage my anxious emotions. And since my personality makes a lot of life's daily work anxious, I am tempted to sleep quite often, and I need many hours to feel refreshed, to the annoyance of my wife, who bursts out of bed ready to take the challenges of the day by the throat.

A large dose of caffeine just BEFORE an afternoon nap helps. I love my podcasts, but I never listen to podcasts during a nap, it is important to rest my mind to the maximum degree. And I set an alarm - sometimes you will be just as refreshed after a short nap ended with an alarm as you are after a VERY LONG nap that wastes many hours in the day.

And if I am too discombobulated and frazzled to get productive work done, I have a quick lie down. Because in that state I could waste hours internet surfing, which in even more of a time-suck than a quick nap.

Would love to hear how other people manage sleep. All the best, cheers!

[next year]

When I'm depressed I can't sleep - that is a special kind of hell for those of us with anxiety. It got so bad for me at one point that the simple act of walking into my room at bed time would trigger a panic attack and another night of insomnia. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. For me, being able to take a nap was a sign that I was getting better.

I do get the mid afternoon blahs. I go for a short walk (15-20 min) after eating lunch. That helps with the afternoon slump and makes me feel like less of a cubicle drone. The Occupy Chicago protesters are across the street from my office, so I always like to see what they are up to during the day. Their numbers have dwindled, but the movement lives on. It warms my heart to see people giving a shit about something.

I have a short commute home - 20 min. I work part time so I get off work around 2 or so. I take a 15 min nap on the train and that is usually enough to refresh me for all the crap I have to do when I get home.

I don't stay up late during the week - I try to be in bed by 9 and I read for a while before falling asleep. I work out every morning around 5:30, I'm at work by 7:30. That routine seems to help me get enough sleep and feel good in the morning.

I do take the occasional Sunday afternoon nap when "watching" baseball or football. There is something so soothing about the sound of the crowd and the chatter of the announcers.