Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

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manuel_moe_g
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Re: Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

Post by manuel_moe_g »

Yeah, I am working through:

1) my grandiosity makes me dream big

2) my anxiety makes me see all the ways I will fail

3) my depression makes me want to give up if I think I will fail

These 3 together turn me into a sack of potatoes.

I am working my way through a more realistic idea of what failure is and what failure means.

Thanks, threeletters, good to know I am not alone. It is spooky how much your post resonated with me.

Thanks, DISI, I know I have to get with a good therapist
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dare i say it
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deciding to reach out for help

Post by dare i say it »

Having been through the process a few times and having better insight into the process now than ever before, I'm going to humbly offer a few suggestions to anyone who is struggling and not currently under the care of a mental health professional:

1. If your body and mind aren't working the way you want them to, and you are having trouble making changes, there are people who have dedicated their lives to helping people like you get what you want. Set your ego and your pessimism aside and reach out for the help that IS available.

2. Half-measures only really serve to perpetuate the status quo. Connecting with friends and sharing openly with them about your struggles is very important, but it's probably not a full solution. The same (usually) goes for reading self-help books and trying to treat serious problems on your own. I've been guilty of this. The same goes for only seeking full help during a crisis and then backing off treatment when things return to a baseline level of dysfunction. I've definitely been guilty of this.

3. Seek serious help for serious problems. Look for a professional who is currently certified or licensed. Look for someone you can open up to, but do not expect the opening up to be comfortable or easy. Assuming the professional is operating within some basic ethical guidelines, this is all you need from him or her. Your job then is to be rigorously honest and take direction. That's it.

4. Do not accept excuses from yourself like "I'm too busy" or "I can't afford it" or "I tried it before and it didn't work." These excuses are your illness's way of tricking you into staying ill. Please try to resist this trap.
Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
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manuel_moe_g
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Re: Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

Post by manuel_moe_g »

Yeah, I had a sense of entitlement that made me think "I shouldn't have to work on fixing myself, I deserve to have good things come to me already"

That sense of entitlement was deadly, and over the last 15 years, I have done a pretty good job in killing that dangerous sense of entitlement

I think my next big challenge is:

1) my grandiosity, self-absorption, narcissism and/or self-hatred and/or self-focus makes me dream big and set big goals

2) my anxiety makes me see all the ways I will fail

3) my depression makes me want to give up TOTALLY if I think I will fail

4) giving up is deadly for me

I need to talk through this a bit, because that is my style. I want to use a therapist "à la carte" because open and loose and vague counselling sessions time after time after time make me ill, because that is how I associate the very worst of my counselling experiences. I could see how the counselor was benefiting (through payment) but I ended up feeling taken advantage of, and that depressed me big time.
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dare i say it
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past "sub-optimal" therapy experiences

Post by dare i say it »

manuel_moe_g wrote:I want to use a therapist "à la carte" because open and loose and vague counselling sessions time after time after time make me ill, because that is how I associate the very worst of my counselling experiences.[...]and that depressed me big time.
I know this feeling. This was precisely my experience until recently. Perhaps when you seek out a therapist you could be open about these concerns with him or her. I would also recommend that when you're choosing a therapist, ask if he/she is willing to use a "treatment plan," which means the two of you would create specific, measurable, time-oriented goals for your therapy. If the therapist says no or seems reluctant, move on to someone else. I would also ask the potential therapist if he/she has specific training and experience using a directive approach. Again, if he/she seems reluctant or can't point to specific training in that approach, move on. It may seem rude to some people, but it's really not. It's just sounds like that's what you need to make your therapy as productive as possible.

DBT is one type of therapy that uses a directive approach, but it is certainly not the only one. Full-on DBT is quite involved--individual therapy, group skills training, phone support, all of them weekly. I think it's usually reserved for clients with borderline personality disorder or those with a long history of suicidal behavior and/or self-harm. Don't hold me to that though. I could have that wrong. My point is, it's a little, uh, odd(?) to specifically seek out DBT and so I'm not sure if I should suggest that. However, when you're trying to find a therapist who's a good match for you, any professional will know what you're talking about when you ask for a "treatment plan" and a "directive" therapist. Good luck.
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manuel_moe_g
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Re: Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

Post by manuel_moe_g »

Anxiety is a big part of preventing me from feeling fulfilled, so definitely would want to stress anxiety in counseling/treatment, probably stressing it over depression.
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manuel_moe_g
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Re: Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

Post by manuel_moe_g »

Continuing working through this thread.

Yeah, it hit me hard today:

1) my grandiosity, my self-absorbed exceptionalism (I'm special, I don't need to follow the rules, I shouldn't have to conform), my narcissism, my self-hatred, my extreme self-focus make me desire certain goals

2) my anxiety makes me scared to death about my inability to fulfill those goals

3) my depression turns that anxiety into feeling worn out and fatigued and inert like a sack of potatoes

4) being inert is a very dangerous place for me

The way out is working to have a more realistic and accepting relationship with failure: the magic in life is the trying, not the feeling of certainty of succeeding, and failure is my friend on the journey, if I let it be

Also, climbing out of the hole of self-absorption, to connect with others

will work these into explicit plans to get help from a therapist, because people I respect tell me it would be wise
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dare i say it
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Re: Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

Post by dare i say it »

To me, admittedly a non-expert, it feels like your on the right path. Stay on that path! See where it leads you.
Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
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manuel_moe_g
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Re: Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

Post by manuel_moe_g »

Was thinking, anxiety-wise, about "healthy coping" and "healthy self-soothing"

unhealthy self-soothing, for me, is food, taking a long nap in middle of day, sleeping in late, web browsing, porn, getting worked up about politics like its was rooting for the local team, candy, playing with iphone in bathroom

I know 3 "healthy coping" and "healthy self-soothing": (1) quick meditation and controlled easy breathing (2) forgiving myself for my past so I can be unshackled to do right in the present and future (3) acknowledging my pain, accepting my pain, holding my pain like a grown-up would hold a weeping child, holding them up when they cannot do so for themselves.
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manuel_moe_g
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Re: Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

Post by manuel_moe_g »

Hard to practice healthy self-soothing. ;)

The forgiveness requires reminding myself that forgiveness is needed to put the most energy into improving for my today and tomorrow.
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Re: Need so much intense motivation to accomplish so little!

Post by dare i say it »

It kinda blew my mind a while back when someone suggested to me that I wasn't just being judgmental, I was judging my judging. I was mad at myself for being angry. I was ashamed of having low self-esteem. I was hung-up on not being able to forgive myself. Ugh, what a mess! I sensed a lot of frustration when I read your last post about struggling to forgive yourself and it made me think of that conversation.

I think I might be getting better about this. I don't know. It's hard because I have no measuring stick for how well I'm doing. For me, it doesn't feel like a purely intellectual process though. It seems to help sometimes if I just stop fighting myself, accept that I had a judgmental reachtion, try to forgive myself once, and then move on to something a little easier to control (like my behavior).

If I still need to reframe my thoughts I usually use the words like, "It is what it is. That reaction makes sense based on the situation and my patterns. I don't control the past. I only control what I do in the present."
Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
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