Anyone feel embarrassed to admit their depression?

[dare i say it]

Brooke,

Let me be the first to welcome you to the forum. I think I speak for everyone when I say we're glad that you're here! I just read an article the other day about the psychologist Marsha Linehan. She noticed that many of her patients grew up in "profoundly invalidating environments." I don't think anyone's saying that invalidation, by itself, is the sole cause of a depressed person's problems, but it does seem to be a common theme in this thread.

By the way, just a few years ago I would have thought that the word "invalidating" was (forgive me) psychobabble. I guess I felt that, at least for me, venting emotions was a sign of weakness. I'm getting a lot better about that. I feel pretty confident in saying that the people in this forum would be quite willing to hear about your problems.

[Kayleigh]

Recently I have been reluctant to talk about my problems, mainly because people already view me as someone who seems to ALWAYS be depressed.. eventhough that is not true and I can prove it.

But I find myself biting my tongue and really forcing myself to hold back and catch myself before I say ANYTHING negative... I turn inward because I don't want to be that person anymore. I barely have friends as it is.. I ruined my life because of my stupid ego negative talk and now I am seriously paying.

I tried. I know when I am out with others talking with them face to face.. I enjoy and I am happy.. and the people seem to be ok with me.. but then that moment is gone.. and I am left to my life and I feel so alone and struggling alone... and FB doesnt' help.. made the serious mistake of dumping on social media and alienated everyone.. many won't talk to me anymore... but again.. a lot of that was years ago.. and I do post a lot of Postive an other stuff. I remain engaged and respond to others in a positive way..

There were a few that I thought were genuine friends.. we seemed to hit it off.. but they went and blew me off too which helped to increase my current feeling of failure. What did I say??? Do???

so now I try even harder to just hold back and say nothing.... cause I have hit the bottom of the barrel in the friends and support dept... If anyone asks me "what is wrong' (if they even bother) I just lie and tell them its ok or it's just hormones and try and change the subject... they don't want to hear it anymore anyway.. and I know it.!

[dare i say it]

It's hard for people who have never experienced much depression to be around depressed people. Most people in this forum are very accepting of each other's current struggles. If someone isn't ready to hear what you have to say, they don't have to read it or respond to it.

I think there are a few caveats to that in the real world. Under the best of circumstances, most men are still going to be uncomfortable talking (or even hearing) about feelings. With both men and women, I think you're going to have to be careful about choosing the appropriate time and place to share the pain you're going through. Also, be very careful not to confuse feelings with facts. In other words, try saying "I feel hopeless" instead of "I am hopeless." Especially with men, I think you can make things A LOT easier to hear if you phrase it this way:

"I'm feeling _______. It really helps me to talk about it. It means a lot to me that you're there to listen. I know this does not come naturally for you and that it is not easy for you see me struggling. If my feelings become more than just everyday ups and downs I still want you to support me, but I am willing to do _________, ________, and _________ to address my problems."

[manuel_moe_g]

Wow, the reply from DISI is really great. I especially like the format for ways of communicating pain and asking for help.

I am reading your posts, Kayleigh. I have a tiny ability to help, but I want you to know that I honor your pain and you don't deserve to feel this pain, and we here are cheering for you and your very best today and tomorrow.

There were a few that I thought were genuine friends.. we seemed to hit it off.. but they went and blew me off too which helped to increase my current feeling of failure.

Yeah, the ability to help with mental suffering is a skill very few people have - and our culture is lousy at providing the resources for people with mental suffering. I know about feeling resentful to people nearby who can't or won't help, and dwelling on resentment was something I had work hard to minimize so I had the energy to help myself.

From this MentalPod board - some places to get help for people with limited resources:

• Help for little or no money
• Best Insurance Companies/Types for Mental Health Care
• Links for More Mental Health Info/Suicide Hotlines

All the best, cheers, please take care!

[MCspeaks]

It's scary because you never know how people will react. You don't know if they will believe you or accuse you of being "dramatic" or something. Then to add insult to injury, I'm sitting there feeling like I don't even believe myself...like there are so many people out there with worst problems than me so what am I complaining about?

All there is to do is own your truth. This is my experience. I've been struggling to find my voice for all these years after being brushed aside by a lot of strong personalities in my mind, which made me feel unworthy of attention. I'm getting there and meeting new people really does help. It's also interesting to actually confront my mom and say "you're not actually listening to the words I am saying..." She doesn't like it so much, but tough.

[dare i say it]

It's scary because you never know how people will react.

It's true. You never know. Luckily, there are at least a couple of people in my life that will still ask me how I'm doing and be open to hearing any answer I give. My brother tells me over and over that I can tell him anything, but I struggle with that. I'm not sure if it's okay, I'm not sure what I would gain by telling him the details of how severe my depression is. I don't lie to him. I just don't go into detail. I also remind him that I see a therapist regularly and I'm 100% relentlessly honest with the therapist. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, so I'm definitely not advocating anything.

[Dani]

I think at first I found my diagnosis scary and I was pretty ashamed of it. I mostly related it to things I had heard about others, or had experienced from my own family members with BPD.

Somewhere in the last year or two I stopped giving a shit? I mostly don't talk about it because I don't like weird pity parties or some fuck giving their advice for how they'd deal without being asked for it. I'm also not entirely comfortable with how much shock value admitting your illness has. Not that everyone that talks about their illness is doing it for the power it gives, but I think I've just been exposed to some ranky people that have turned me off from it.

Oh and people that take my illness more seriously than I do are such a trip and I can't believe it when they give me shit for joking about it.

[dare i say it]

Dani,
These are things I struggle with too. I like how you phrased it. I'm having a terminology problem that you can help me with. When you say "BPD" are you talking about bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder? I've only heard it in the borderline context, but I could easily have that wrong.

[terryb]

I've never once felt embarrassed by my depression. Rather, I've often been frustrated(and angered) by other people's inability to take my illness/condition seriously. People who tell me "you have nothing to be depressed about", that I just need to "think positive thoughts" and "count my blessings". That refuse to believe that depression can be so debilitating that I cannot work, cannot socialize, cannot pick up the phone when it rings.

I had severe anxiety, panic attacks and agoraphobia in my twenties. Went through a long hard recovery process and then got depression seemingly out of the blue in my forties. One of my psychiatrists told me that all of that was "really the same thing" just taking different forms, which had not occured to me and helped give me some insight into it all. I also had no single major trauma in my life, but grew up in a very emotionally distant (and otherwise strange) family. It's my belief that that is at the root of my mental problems over the years. But the cause isn't important in the sense that if you have depression you have depression and it's hell no matter what the cause. Having said all that I can understand the impulse to be embarrassed by depression and thank god we can talk about this stuff here.

[Dani]

Bipolar II, sorry for the confusion.